If you've been following my posts over the last several months, you'll know that I have been searching for context and meaning amidst what appears to be the complete demolition of my life and my ego that I have been accustomed to for so long. Everything has appeared to be dissolving around me, and witnessing this cascade of my familiar life elements as they continue to tumble and turn to dust, I have actively been seeking answers and direction. It all started with the Dark Night of the Soul, within which was contained a period that I came to call a Cosmic Initiation (all previously covered in this venue, at least partially). The initiation gave me a completely new perspective on reality, one that I had never known before, and it didn't come about through journey work of any kind, rather, it happened randomly. I was introduced to a way of being that consisted of the inability to plan anything, and lived completely in the moment for several weeks, during which time I had a treasure trove of insight and experience bestowed upon me that has permanently changed the way in which I view the world and the human condition.
Since that time, I have continued to seek out answers and plot some kind of new life direction that entails truly living at my highest potential, not by worldly means or status, but by being led completely by Source energy and my higher self, wherever such a journey may take me. I have been trying to, as I call it, "break the fourth wall" during normal states of consciousness through meditation and lucid dreaming for about the past six months. Often times this quest has led me to feelings of frustration, that somehow I'm not doing things correctly. I know they're there - multiple states of expanded consciousness, and I have tried to remain as focused and determined as I can be to achieve such states without the aid of journey tools. Back in February, a friend told me about a technique from Malcolm Godwin's book, "
The Lucid Dreamer
," through which one can learn to trigger lucidity within the dreamworld. I have experimented with various methods since around 1995, most notably with the
Nova Dreamer, which at that time cost me $300 and after years of use I could never achieve the same results that would occasionally occur within random lucid dreams. I haven't been able to afford Godwin's book, so I took the simple technique that my friend shared with me and customized it to include my own personal flavor, which included a recipe for maximum empowerment within the dream world (written about
here and
here in previous posts).
I had been using the lucid dreaming trigger technique for almost a month. On the second day, I had an excellent lucid flying dream, but after that, nothing. Saturday evening I had viewed Rick Strassman's documentary (embedded in the previous post) and was pursuing an event string or as I have come to call them, a guided information sourcing session, the thread line of which had to do with breaking through the worst kind potentially overwhelming life obstacles that one can expect to face (homelessness, bankruptcy, et al). I had been thinking about the singular egoic mind construct that defines our everyday world and how I have continued to feel frustrated in terms of watching my old life wash away in the absence of any kind of new direction emerging. It was during this reading that I came across an article from Sonia Barrett entitled, "
When Nothing Seems To Be Working."
I had not known about Sonia before that introduction, and spent some time afterward on her websites
Spirit In Form and
Sovereign Mind Radio. The "When Nothing..." article appeared to be apropos for what I have been feeling, and my left-brain egoic mind kept stating, "Yeah, but you don't know how bad my life is right now." I have been so blessed in my life and have lived in abundance until these past couple of years. I've always been able to create and share art, and join in the celebration of the creations of others, and for the life of me, I don't know how things changed, or why. Sonia seemed to speak from direct experience, addressing even that type of egoic questioning in the article. I later found some bio information on an
Information Machine blog post that links to a recent interview that she did with Vertias Radio, outlining part of her struggle and quest to break through the matrix. I listened to that interview along with another recent one that she did on her own website and found her energy and insights to be uplifting. I consider discovering Sonia a good find and plan to explore more of her work as time goes on.
On Saturday night / early Sunday morning, I went to bed and fell asleep around 2:45am local time, only to be awoken an hour later by annoying, vibrating and buzzing sounds. It was so disorienting that I first thought that I was having an involuntary OBE or astral travel experience. As I stirred from sleep, my second thought was that a motion picture film crew had begun shooting a film across the street. Usually we receive filming notices in advance if this is to happen. I stumbled out of bed and then thought that something was happening to my computers, as I began to notice a melody above the cacophony of vibrating noise. Then I saw that it was someone parked out in front of my building, who had apparently dropped somebody off after an evening of partying. I was incredibly annoyed, as were many people in my building - it was
that loud - shaking everything. I have a large sound system in my car, but I have rarely heard something that loud outside of seeing a piece from a custom auto show on cable television. He must have had at least four 16-inch JBL's pounding out sub-bass in that car. Plus, as I looked out the window, I noticed that he had his back hatch opened as he fiddled with some items in the car, which only made the sound worse. I finally laid back down in bed after he drove away and wondered if I could get back to sleep.
Since last September when I began to attempt to "break the fourth wall" and enter into either a lucid or some other kind of inner-exploratory state just prior to entering sleep mode, I have been sleeping with a circular band over my eyes to maximize blackness and cut down on any types of distraction. When I first started doing this, it was during the daytime. I noticed that usually within twenty minutes or so, sometimes less, I would begin to see nebulous purple-blue globs move around on the inside of my eyelids. Occasionally, if I was very tired or had a lot of activity prior to attempting sleep, these globs would be punctuated by random flickers that didn't seem to be connected to the purplish globs. I eventually read online that the body is discharging energy through the nervous system, which results in the flickers. The globs interested me, so I spent many days in pre-sleep mode casually observing them. This takes patience and a release of expectation, and for me it took several months of careful observation that eventually led to further definition and exploration of this state and what it can potentially lead to.
When I was relaxed, focusing on my breath and casually observing the purplish globs, I began to notice that they would become punctuated in intensity at various points. I also noticed that the longer I remained in that state, the intense areas (light purple, almost magenta in color) would become outlined in a light greenish-yellow along the edges as they moved around and morphed in shape. I could easily follow the brighter parts with my eyes and have done so since last September on most nights as I fall asleep. Over the course of these past few months, I have remembered previous states of mediation whereby upon reaching a very deep state, on occasion I would notice an area of morphing images that would appear within my field of vision, eyes closed, where images morphed eventually into full color pictures.
I knew that same place, projected on to my closed eyelids, to be the inner world of other dimensions that I had experienced as reality in many prior journey work excursions, assisted by sacred herbs, etc. From those experiences, I learned not to judge what I saw, only to observe. Early on in years past when accessing that point I would become afraid of some of what I was seeing, but eventually learned that it's harmless, and if I kept fear out of the equation, it just became something interesting to watch. I always wondered what the source of it was... another reality? Inner reality? Ultimate reality? Previous journey work using "tools" seemed to indicate that what I saw during these recent pre-sleep states was indeed a faint representation of the larger, full-blown other-dimensional visual experience that one can have when assisted by sacred tools or herbs, etc. I have remained intrigued ever since, determined to see if there is indeed a connection between the two, or they are one in the same.
Over the course of the last several months, doing this observation virtually every time I tried to fall asleep, I became aware that the morphing globs would sometimes form what looked like still photographs - flashes of distinct imagery that were definable, though not familiar to me in terms of daily references of people, places or things. "Whoah!" would usually be my brain's reaction, and as I had such a realization, the picture would gently fade back into the morphing purples. I kept trying to train my brain not to be fascinated by what I saw, just to let it be and observe. In recent weeks, this process has become more easy for me to develop but I am by no means a master of it as yet. I have found that if I remain still, I will be able to see beautiful vast expanses of nature... skies, flowers, mountains, water, birds, etc. Most of the time they remained fleeting. Occasionally I would see what looked to be much like the virtual worlds I spent so much time in from 2006 - 2010. About a week ago during one such experience, I noticed that I was looking at what appeared to be a computer screen of some kind, with alphabetical letters (language) and photos of people, none of whom I knew. It seemed to be scrolling slowly, but constantly. "This is new," I thought at the time.
Each time I would try and bring the picture of the "screen" further into view in order to read the writing, I would loose grasp of the letters. Every time I saw the screen, the letters looked to be something easily readable in English, yet with each attempt to focus, they would disintegrate into gibberish and I would get mildly frustrated. The pictures of people intrigued me as well, and I would struggle for context, as if searching my memory in order to find a match somewhere with someone I had known in the past. It appeared that by this time I was getting better at this method, whatever it is, of opening a part of my perception while in a normal, pre-sleep state of mind. During that time I had a new experience, which I wrote about in a previous post where I called it a Dream Burst. The Dream Burst was distinctly different than this, and did not occur in the same way as these images were appearing. The burst was a lucid dream-meets-astral travel experience, something completely new to me despite similar experiences in the past. It was initiated by something, perhaps an entity, speaking to me within my dream mind which ignited an astral experience within the dream; pure bliss, and very different than this activity I had been engaging in since last autumn in terms of training myself from outside the dream state. In hindsight, perhaps the Dream Burst was a necessary precursor to what I would come to experience, which is the subject of this post.
As I laid there on my bed on Saturday night, after the booming sound system had left my block, I wondered if I should continue to try falling asleep or get up, make some tea and go back to the computer. I decided that sleep would be best, or at least the attempt to do so. I had the band around my eyes and felt a bit rattled, and tried to calm myself by shaking my foot, which sometimes helps me to calm down quickly and fall asleep. I began watching the purplish globs, which once again started to morph into brighter globs with their signature greenish-yellow outlines. A few still photos captured for brief seconds within my field of view, as often happens. I remained the observer. Then, it appeared very quickly within the center of my view that there was some kind of vortex there, a quick swirl of all the globs that lasted for about a second or two. The next thing I noticed was that my awareness was pulled into this "vortex," for lack of a better word. This was not like an OBE vortex, which can occasionally feel like a vacuum cleaner and make one feel like they're being literally sucked off of the bed. This was different, no body-pull sensation, just awareness, as if I had been staring at a whirlpool that I somehow poured my consciousness into. No physical pull.
I came out of the other side about six feet above the ground in the dream state, within a flat or apartment of some kind. My essence poured out of a an old painting that was on one of the walls. It had a conclave type of frame that curved out from the painting itself about two inches. I stood on the floor. There I was, wide awake, with my full conscious awareness that I carry in the everyday 3D physical world. Bam - just like that. I knew I was "dreaming" but I wasn't exactly sure where or how. Had I traveled in time? Another dimension? A past existence? Was this what is known as Quantum Jumping? I was completely astounded, so much so that I quickly tried to calm my emotions so that I wouldn't knock myself out of that state. I was elated. Fascinated. Stunned. Excited beyond belief. "This is a major breakthrough!" I thought as I began to explore my surroundings.
I had experienced many lucid dreaming experiences in the past, but none where I carried with me the totality of my waking awareness that I have every day. In past experiences, only part of "me" was present, enough to know who I was and that I was awake in the dream, but not my "waking all." Wow. This place in which I found myself appeared to be 3D, just like my waking physical world. The building that I was in seemed very similar to my present residence, yet it was completely different. Instead of white walls, the walls of the interior were a deep olive green color. Old paintings adorned the wall that I had passed through at a rather odd height. "That's strange," I thought, as I looked at the wall. They were closer to the ceiling than the middle of the wall, typically hung higher than one would hang them here, today, in this world.
There was antique furniture everywhere, quite a change from my post-modern furniture from this present life. And strewn about this rather messy place were items that I knew to be mine, with some even baring a resemblance to things in my physical world, yet they were all different. The flat contained a dining room, which I currently don't have, consisting of a dark wooden dining table and tall chairs, along with a hutch and a small desk or dresser of some kind. I stepped carefully around the living room, dining room and an adjacent smaller room with low chairs and a coffee table, which looked to be a center of activity with many items on the coffee table. I passed through the smaller room and opened a door that led to the hallway. "This isn't my building," I said, "Yet it is, or at least it's familiar to my building and I do live here." I walked to the end of the hallway and looked out the window. There were other buildings across the street, some with faint lights coming from rooms. "Wow, this is incredible... absolutely incredible."
I walked back into the flat again, through the small room and into the living room, where I made my way to another window, which also faced the street. There were no cars, no horses, no vehicles of any kind, yet I noticed a few people walking on the street below, including a couple that appeared to be walking a dog. I focused on the street for a few moments and realized that I could project the visual input area of my consciousness out in front of the building, and I briefly floated it down the street as I observed the buildings and windows across the way. I saw people in some of the windows. One couple was sitting in bed. I didn't see any street lights and couldn't determine if the architecture of the buildings was from any particular time period. Most of the buildings appeared to be made of brick but they weren't brownstones. I returned my awareness to the living room of the flat and immediately thought of my friend in this physical world who had shared the Malcolm Godwin technique with me several weeks ago. He said that initially the intensity of what he experienced was so great that it scared him and he had to stop. "What I really want to do," he said the night that he shared the technique, "Is to try and fall asleep from that lucid zone and see where I wake up." I thought that's what I should set out to do straight away, but then I stopped myself. I couldn't do it just yet, there was too much to see and explore first.
"Oh wow - a mirror - I've gotta find a mirror!" I turned from the window and scoped out the living room in greater detail, and noticed that there was a large full-length mirror on the wall to the left of the painting that I seemed to have come out of upon my arrival. I gazed over at the mirror. I was somewhat stunned that I could see myself, as I didn't remember that from any previous dream experiences, or having the presence of mind to even seek to find a mirror in a dream for that matter, yet I had the same conscious awareness with which I exist in the physical world, from which I am currently writing this post. I then walked up to the mirror. Wow. I looked different than I do in this reality, as if I was a completely different person. I was smaller in stature, and noticeably lighter, not that I am large or overweight in this world. I moved my legs and arms around. It was captivating. Slowly I got very close to the mirror and began to examine my face, nearly pressing my head on the glass. Somehow, despite looking completely different, I knew it was what I call "me" in the physical world. I was very familiar with this persona, and its body. I was blown away. "I've gotta find a pen - something to write with - paper - I've got to put this stuff down in writing!" I went into the dining area and found a writing instrument and a piece of paper. Just then a knock came at the door, a door on the other side of the flat from the one I used earlier to walk into the hallway.
Between the excitement I was experiencing and a millisecond of dread upon hearing the knock, I took a moment to regain my composure and center myself. I did not want this to end. It was too valuable an experience and I didn't know how delicate a state it was. After years of trying to find an experience like this, carrying my waking awareness, I didn't know if I'd ever get back to such a place, so I calmed myself and decided I had to answer the door. Thankfully, fear was not a factor. Rather, it was a slight cautionary impulse, like a spark, and not something that I became fixated upon. I felt safe. I felt just like I do most often in the physical world. The knocking continued, quick, repetitive bursts of insistent, short knocks. I approached the wooden door and noticed that it had a sideways-sliding opening at eye level that I could push to one side and see who was at the door. I opened it. On the other side of the door stood a man that I knew was familiar to me. "Rosancrantz," I thought. He spoke with a thick Eastern European accent. "Let me in." I opened the door. It became evident to me upon opening the door that I shared the flat with someone, although I couldn't get a read (or "ident" as Robert Monroe would say) as to who this person was.
I recognized Rosancrantz as someone I knew who was an old friend of my roommate and understood that they both had gone to university together. At the same time, I also realized that I knew him to be somewhat of a pest from time to time, neurotic and needy. "Where is he? I need to speak with him," he said. I told him that I didn't really know but that he could stay as long as he liked. He came in, went straight to the dining room and began pensively pacing around the table. "It's important. I need something. When will he be back?" Again, I said I didn't know. My thoughts then turned to the paper and writing instrument, followed by: "I've got to ask him some questions about where we are and what year this is." I began to quiz him as he paced around. "What day is this?" I asked. He looked at me with a jolting grimace, as if to say, "How ridiculous?" But I persisted. "Seriously, I need to know what day this is." "Oh," he said, "That's right. You've been seeing that medium," which I realized was considered some form of a psychiatrist. "It's 3rd October," he said. "Year, what year is this?" I quickly blurted out; my hands holding the paper and "pen" on the dining room table, ready to write as I stared at him, anxiously awaiting a response.
He looked at me briefly again like I was mad, finally cocking his head back in a seemingly arrogant, scholarly sense, only to break the pose for a moment due to what appeared to be a feeling of pity for me that had come over him, and he slowly said, "Oh -3 ('03)." I focused intently on writing it down, 10/3/03, watching as I put the date to paper. "Wait," I thought, "2003? 1903? 1803? Some other century?" I no sooner had those thoughts when I noticed he had started for the door. "I have to be going. If you see him, tell him I must speak with him at once." I went over to the door, opened it for him and he left. While the door was still open, I noticed several people in the hall to the left who were talking. I had a moment of curiousity about talking with them, but decided to just close the door and be alone in the flat once again. "Rosancrantz - now how exactly do I know him?" I wondered for a few seconds, but my thoughts quickly turned back to the fascination and overwhelming joy that I was wide awake with my normal earthly consciousness. I wanted to first continue exploring the flat, because it was so familiar to me. I looked around the living room for a few more moments, eventually becoming intrigued with the mirror again. I walked up to it, once again marveling that I had a different physical appearance but the same exact awareness from my physical world. Just then, everything dissolved into a swirl and I woke up on my bed.
I couldn't believe what had happened. Just as intense and wild as the dream burst, yet completely different. I got out of bed and began to search the web for "soul travel through paintings" and various other word strings that might yield some kind of similar results, i.e., "time travel through paintings," "soul essence through paintings," etc. I came across one book in which author Mike Wilks appears to have described such a phenomenon in a work of fiction called "
Mirrorscape
." I had never read or heard of the book before but it's been added to my wish list for sometime in the future. This dream, other-dimensional, time travel, quantum jumping experience will be with me for the rest of my life, another dangled carrot after which to chase, in the hope that I might be able to discover more about my true nature and that of the universe / multiverse. I have been there now, wide awake in dreamland, and I will never forget what it was like. I then wrote my friend an email who had shared the Godwin lucid dreaming technique with me, describing what had happened. Was this what he was talking about, was this type of full-waking lucidity really what lucid dreaming was all about? If so, I had only partially experienced it in the past. Though lucid in the past, never was I ever "all there" like this. When I woke up, I noticed that I had only been asleep for about 90 minutes, so this wasn't something from late sleep-stage REM, during which our deepest dreams typically occur.
Even though I was there for some time, the experience ended too soon, and the next time I find myself in such a place, my sole intent is to try and solve problems within the physical world through thought and analysis from that other-worldly dimensional space. If I could somehow send energy from that place into the physical world, that would be something. Perhaps even send triggers into my waking world from the lucid dream state. Wow. My mind was buzzing with possibilities. I wish I had the time to do that before it had all dissolved. I feel like there is so much to learn. For now, all I can do is to repeat the Godwin technique and focus on what appears to be a portal that can be opened through those purplish globs on the inside of my eyelids with much patience and determination. If I could master such things, the physical life and its challenges would become dwarfed within the greater context of exploration. Many of the great teachers, yogis, etc. say that we each have the universe within ourselves, and that through the doors of the heart lie the gateways to other worlds. I hope that this was a taste of just that kind of experience. I'm happy that I was able to enter such a space without the aid of any tools. The possibilities are indeed endless. Malcolm Godwin, thank you for sharing your knowledge and insights. Parts of me, long-dormant, have awakened because of your work and I am forever grateful. The same gratitude goes out to all of those whose work I have referenced here in this venue; thank you.
On that note, I'll leave you with a few things that I came across earlier on Saturday night, prior to my watching the Richard Strassman documentary and reading about Sonia Barrett, one of which is an interview of scholar and lecturer
Graham Hancock, author of "
Fingerprints of the Gods
," among other books. In this interview below, entitled "Setting History Free," author and lecturer
David Wilcock examines some of Hancock's work and his theories about the nature of our existence, the lost or hidden history of humanity and what may lie ahead for us as we move through linear time in an effort to evolve human consciousness. This is another fascinating video that virtually any seeker should find interesting. It puts current world events into a larger perspective and spans a course of time much larger than any of our individual lifetimes. I can't state it enough now, due to the myriad of experiences I have had over the years, most recently the Cosmic Initiation, Dream Burst and the aforementioned lucid dreaming adventure, that there is much, much more to reality than what we can perceive with our physical eyes; that much I do know. I don't claim to have any answers. I remain skeptical and just like anyone else, I only have my experiences, some of which I have attempted to share in this forum. I only wish to remember what is my birthright, my greater truth, and in doing so realize my greatest potential, becoming forever free to create and explore the universe / multiverse.
::: Setting History Free :::
And finally, the last piece of this long post is a link to the final chapter from a book by scholar and author Michael Tsarion, entitled "
Aliens, Alien Visitation, and Genetic Manipulation.
" I first became aware of Michael's work in 2005, and have watched several of his rather lengthy videos, many of which are available on YouTube. Michael goes down the rabbit hole in such detail that he is virtually unmatched as a master dot connector of hidden pieces of history, manipulation and exploitation of the human race. In this, the final chapter of the aforementioned book,
which I found on Scribd (no idea how it got there or why, as its only the last chapter of a book), he sums up the human condition in much the same way that Hancock and Wilcock talk about in the interview above, even going so far as to touch on the fact that the creation of art can be and often is the universe itself speaking to us, trying to gently get us to remember our history and divine rights as sovereign individuals, if we would only take the time to stop, focus, observe and listen.
By the time the chapter got to the famous lines from Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven," (below) I was taken aback. As a former music industry executive and deejay, I have listened to thousands of albums and tens of thousands of songs from all over the world. As you can imagine, the classics like Zeppelin I have heard over and over. In terms of how these lyrics are presented within that chapter of Tsarion's book, he says, "Artists and minstrels of more recent times also have the same macro-theme [referring to cosmic inspiration] in their creations, though few are aware of it… consider the final lines of the song "Stairway To Heaven," by Led Zeppelin, and then why millions resonate with this and other masterpieces without knowing consciously why." This blew me away. Validation. In previous posts regarding my Cosmic Initiation, I state in detail how the universe, or Source energy, showed me the EXACT same thing, although through other songs and works of art.
It is indeed a grand, infinite space in which we find our conscious awareness abiding at present, and we're only able to currently view a minuscule portion of its majesty. It's my belief that if you take the time to be still and open yourself up, perhaps with perseverance and due diligence, the universe will reveal itself to you in all its glory. After all, on every level, it is the very fabric in which we exist and it comprises everything... in the Hermetic sense, "All That Is," or the mind of god. I see the message in this song so clearly now. The lyrics below will never have the same meaning for me going forward, featured in Chapter 22 - Epilogue:
There's Still Time To Change The Road You're On, from Michael Tsarion's "Aliens, Alien Visitation, and Genetic Manipulation":
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our souls
There walks a Lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all is one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
(From Stairway To Heaven – Jimmy Page and Robert Plant)
Peace ; )
in terms of exploring Hermetic Laws (Universal Laws) and their applications, I found it difficult to stop reading. It's a milestone book for me. Within its pages are powerful truths - secrets of the universe - which are expressed in a thoughtful and eloquent way. Wonder abounds. The way in which the material is explored and the information presented is methodical and easy to understand, complete with lesson reviews at the end of each of the book's seven lessons. Practical application of the truths contained is also presented, as if the book was written with intention, personally for a friend.
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