I've been meaning to post since last November, but have been extremely busy and unable to devote time to writing. I'd like to say thank you to the people who have posted comments here over the past few months. Sorry that I haven't had time to respond. I'm glad that something I've shared might have effected someone else in a positive way. That makes it all the more worth it to share my thoughts and experiences. Despite having a full schedule, over the past nine months I have continued my reading and listening to lectures, ever-fascinated with the possibility of receiving some new insight that will enhance and further develop my reality tunnel, my mosaic, the way in which I perceive Universe. This is a core passion of mine. Somewhere, deep down inside, I know there is something greater to be discovered, something that has to do with who we truly are beyond our physical shells. I wonder sometimes if at some point, perhaps after moving on from this plane, I'll have a hearty laugh over the true nature of the physical world and our place within it as sentient beings. That is my hope.
Compared with where my path has taken me over the past several years, Dark Night of the Soul, Cosmic Initiation and all, I am happy to be employed once again, even if it feels like a grind at times. Last year around this time I was about three months away from becoming homeless. Despite years of hard work, I'd lost my business. This was something that I wanted to pursue for the rest of my life. That wasn't all I lost. My entire life crumbled before my eyes, and I lost my dearest love, someone who had brought me up to the Dark Night, which I would face alone. I have been extremely blessed in that I have pursued many passions over the years, but this last one that I had turned into a business was, to my surprise, seemingly stronger than many passions of the past. Ironically, it was the third time that particular situation occurred in my life within the last fifteen years, through no fault of my own. Rather, I was a statistic, a side effect, of some national or global economic hiccup. Regardless, I savor the blessings of getting to live many of my passions during this physical incarnation.
As my Dark Night of the Soul began, once again I had found myself adrift in a stormy sea. Hopelessness like I had never known before was my constant companion. A few of my friends were and still are in similar boats. My heart goes out to those who are struggling to survive, all over this planet. They struggle because this is the best that human civilization can do after many thousands of years of existence. This is the best we have been able to do. The evidence is all around us. The current state of affairs in the world, our systems, our social structure, rampant suffering, is overwhelming, complicated and growing. Yet what we see today is the cumulative effort of generations of humans over eons of linear time. Where is Utopia? Why is humanity so dysfunctional? As I move through this life, I constantly add to and develop my perceptions of reality, and these are some of the questions that I ask as life continues. I then contrast the assumptions of my perceptive mosaic and try to find a bridge between the two; context.
One of the most important lessons that I took from my two-plus years of dark time was to simply imagine a better world. When I say that, I mean really imagine a better world: no money, no commerce as we know it. In their stead, a consensus reality rooted in peace, joy, cooperation and creativity. It's an extremely tall order, I know, and most would say it's simply naive; inconceivable. But it's not. It's really not. Our perceptions of the physical world and what is possible within it are so clouded that many generations of humans have become numb to the real magic of Universe over time. I believe we've lost our way. We've also been sold a bill of goods as to what's possible, how humans should live, what the true meaning of life is, etc. It amazes me that when I engage people in conversations about what such a (new) world would be like, they primarily become reactive, echoing memes much like the media that shapes their perceptions of the physical world.
To look beyond your box and shift your perceptions, just take time to observe all of the simple beauties that surround us, despite what your current life situation might be. Are you able to see that even decay has great beauty? What we have collectively been told by our social, religious and governmental entities is essentially lies. The lies are many, layer upon layer. During my Cosmic Initiation I was clearly and repeatedly told that virtually everything in this world is upside-down, opposite of the way things should be. "But you can't have a society without money," people tell me; or "People must be governed," "Nobody wants chaos." Really? I wonder.
I ask myself if people who can't conceive of a better world are that entrenched, that myopic, that overwhelmingly enthralled by the cage they're in (hey - it has cable tv!) that they can't even
imagine a world outside of their current box. To those people, I say take a moment and look up at the reflection of infinity some evening while staring into the night sky. Is this really the best world that we as a race of beings can imagine? What is a country anyway? It's a
corporation. The best slaves are the ones who think they are free. We're inside a dense game of
Monopoly, and we're playing that game to our detriment as time is wasted, time that could have been spent doing much more interesting things. Imagine a world fueled by creativity, where each of us spent a significant portion of our lives making the world a better place for future generations, similar to The Great Law of Peace established by the
Iriquois. Maybe that's part of my Iriquois roots showing, but I believe it's more than that. That type of thinking deeply resonates within me, yet it is only a doorway. Great wonder lies beyond a commitment to build a world with those intentions. Wonder that I'm afraid many cannot even comprehend.
2011 was a profoundly interesting year, filled with signature moments, from the tragic to the inspirational. October 28th, 2011, the date that Carl Calleman postulated was to be the end of the 9th Wave of the Mayan long count calendar, came and went without much fanfare. As I've said all along, I remain ultimately skeptical about a lot of what has been said regarding the times in which we live in terms of change, new thought and new ways in which to experience life such as what has been referred to as ascension. I believe I would like to experience such a thing if it were to occur. There is a deeply rooted part of my soul that aches for such a thing. I'm an explorer at heart, and the greatest journey I can conceive of is inter-dimensionally traveling through the Multiverse. Queue wonder, joy, peace and excitement.
However, I just don't know how likely something like that is, in terms of 'ascension' or humanity collectively shifting from the current paradigm into a wide open field of new possibilities and new ways of life. I know it's possible, anything is possible, but how likely is it really? If you read the many websites and forums regarding ascension, you'll see that there are thousands of individuals out there claiming to be receiving messages from beyond our planet, messages of hope from benevolent beings, and yet, there appears to be no evidence of a paradigm shift at all, only narratives about "it's started," "it's happening now," "it's coming soon," etc. "Yes, I say, bring it," and then I release from expectation. Not doing so can result in going down a rabbit hole of spinning memes with no discernible roots in truth.
But such musings also leave me seriously conflicted. I have to say that a new kind of world is precisely what I saw during my weeks in the woo-woo in late '09 - early '10. What I saw and experienced then was this planet literally vibrating into a split, into two earths, each vibrating at its own frequency, and one of those earths was vibrating at a much higher frequency than our current physical world. Months later I was surprised to discover Dolores Cannon and others who were talking extensively about that very thing. At the time of my experience, I was convinced that it had actually occurred and went looking for confirmations in my environment, yet there were none. My deep woo-woo experiences were vividly ecstatic, but at the same time, the pendulum would swing wildly with what I was shown. I also saw a lot of destruction, suffering and some things of which I have not yet spoken.
On the web, it appears there are multiple narratives regarding some kind of shift that have been gathering steam for years now. Even with my experiences, I would say beware the meme. I often wonder if these same narratives, perhaps slightly altered for each era in linear time, have been with humanity for longer than anyone would care to admit, and we're just experiencing today's memes in a new way via the internet. Or - are these stories of anticipation of some kind of tipping point just a byproduct of a race that has lost its way, creating more suffering than good, and collectively attempting to project a shift in its reality? It's a curious mental stew.
We are creatures of hope. Without it, we perish, game over. Do we create stories of hope to avoid despair? Isn't that the basis of the various myths around the world - the story of the hero and the hero as each one of us? Perhaps I've spent too much time reading and listening to the work of the late Joseph Campbell, but I don't think so. In between sleeping and waking, I have at times caught myself in what appears to have been my own narrative, as if I'm telling my life's story in a part of my mind to some other place as my life unfolds... my rationales, opinions, motivations, etc. Are we essentially just telling each other stories of hope in order to keep from becoming hopeless or do we really believe that the world will one day quickly transform into a new place, a place of peace and joy? I know I believe and I know that others do as well. So why hasn't anything in terms of a real shift occurred? The simple explanation could be that there are too many variables currently at play, and events are unfolding according to a complicated chain of cause and effect. Or not.
I know there is more out there. I've seen beyond my box. In the past five years alone, I have had an increasing array of rather bizarre occurrences for which I am still seeking context. These include having what is best described as 1) a spontaneous kundalini experience, during which time I tapped into a kind of hyper-dimensional information stream for several weeks (randomly and without effort) wherein I experienced a completely different world; 2) experiencing incredible bliss while being formless; and 3) (my essence) pouring out (from within a painting) into another (strange yet familiar) material reality with my
full waking awareness. I've seen glimpses of real magic. That I can't deny. As a result, it leaves me with a thirst, a hunger for more. Even with that result, knowing that there is a desire growing within me, I occasionally need to check myself and reevaluate.
It's my desire to constantly become more in tune with the universal forces that drive me, as if trying to solve a massive series of riddles. At the same time, in terms of figuring anything out,
Occam's Razor likely describes the solution to the mysteries best - the keys to the secrets of Universe - like hyper-dimensional travel, 360° vision, telepathy, communication beyond language via high speed image montages, materializing at will and teleportation are accessible to each of us. I was shown this in late 2009. I believe it to be plausible that said keys are ultimately accessible by very simple means. Sometimes I wonder if those keys might unlock doors of perception in a simple realization, something basic, ingrained within all of us, somewhere. Can such a connection be made even before a soul has learned the lessons that are part of this physical incarnation? That too seems plausible to me. Lessons, hmm. Why else would we be here?
Clif High said something in a recent interview resonated heavily with me. He talked about the desire to understand how Universe wishes to create itself. That's an exploration that will really bake one's noodle. And yet I feel that aptly describes where I'm at in my journey at this point in linear time. I firmly believe that there is more to this existence, this physical life, than meets the eye. I can safely say that is a given. Mysteries abound, but just what are they, and are they, too, infinite in nature? If you take the time to seek, you will see Universe reveal its ways in subtle yet enchanting form. In stillness, awareness of the magic of Universe begins to bloom like a beautiful flower. One can get a sense that despite what happens in this physical life, everything is indeed going to be okay.
In late 2007, about three months after I began this blog to write about my experiences living and working in virtual reality simulators, I started to receive inspiration to seriously explore out of body experiences, past life regressions and other subjects along those lines. I had done this at various points previously in my life, and like an old dearly loved friend, these inspirations have grown exponentially since that time. My years of work dismantling my inherited belief systems were at such a point that there was capacity to for me to move in those directions and explore like never before. Inspirations came as a fresh waves over time. They seem to occur every few years or so. What I like about them is that I've used such times to exercise critical thinking in terms of my assumptions about the nature of reality. These times are for reassessment and fresh analysis. I take my mosaic or reality tunnel and turn it on its head. Year Zero: Restate my
assumptions. The assumptions contained in that clip from Darren Aronofsky's brilliant film,
Pi, have been a part of my reality tunnel since the 90s.
Over the past few months, I've read the
Hidden Hand postings, Ra's "
The Law of One," "Tao Te Ching" and Malcolm Godwin's "The Lucid Dreamer". I've also listened to many lectures, including recent interviews with Dolores Cannon, Clif High and
Ananda Bosman. I was also following the recent sagas of Benjamin Fulford and David Wilcock for a time, mostly out of curiosity. If you're not aware of those individuals and their recent stories, you can read more about them both
here, on Summer Burkes' blog. Both situations appeared to me to be eerily similar to Bill Ryan's communications with "
Charles" last year, a shadowy figure from within some powerful shadow organization with a rather strange tale to tell about the manipulation of humanity over thousands of years. All I can say about Fulford, Wilcock and Ryan is again, beware the meme. That's not to say anything negative about any of them or posit that their stories couldn't lead to something positive. One must question everything, and in these times, at this point in our history, it's more important than ever. Part of the human experience is getting caught up in and acting out dramas. It happens to all of us. Still, it is key to question everything.
It appears to me that there are many narratives running loosely along the ascension and 2012 memes. People with alleged secrets or inside knowledge pop up here and there, spin yarns and then fade into the background shortly thereafter. They are typically stories of the hero fighting against the larger, corrupt system. Many of those narratives read to me like reflections of separation theology, which is the fundamental dogmatic apparatus of most organized religions. I take them all with a grain of salt. Many are simply distractions. Nobody's coming (to save us). The way out is within. It's an individual experience, one that comes from a concentration on opening the heart. The Now, and being fully present in the Now, is the best teacher I have found to date, and I have had many teachers.
The beautiful thing about the Now is that it's always there, always accessible, in an instant, no matter what situation in which you might find yourself, and until death comes and we cast off these physical shells, no one can take The Now away. There is nothing that any of us need to look to that is outside of ourselves. Being. Being here, now, is all that counts. Have you noticed how our technology, corporations, governments and the media are pushing us in the opposite direction, seemingly with greater force as time goes on? Distractions. There is nothing better than experiencing life being fully present in each moment, and yet for many, it becomes more difficult to do so as we move through linear time. Sometimes I feel as though this is the simple thing that Universe is attempting to communicate to us, as if therein lies all the answers to our myriad problems of earthly existence and our potential evolution as a species.
In my latest Year Zero event, I have restated my assumptions. Here they are: We have incarnated physically here to learn and therefore to grow, spiritually. We all did this through sacred contracts long before our arrival, as we have done over and over for eons here and elsewhere. As part of our pact of life experience within this density, we agreed to have our cumulative lifetime memories, or access thereto, blocked or veiled, so that we could experience the Law of Confusion in a polarized world. Hermetic Law gives us clues to understanding the paradigm. I can say from my time in the woo-woo that the real magic of Universe is virtually incomprehensible. It's not what any of us thinks. It's beyond comprehension, and each person's awakening process to the wonder of Universe is an individual journey that unfolds in very personal ways, as if each awakening process is custom made.
We're here to develop our souls through the experiences of polarity, right and wrong, black and white. Yet we come, as energy systems, as sparks of Source, of the All That Is, the great energetic mind in which we live and breathe, into physical form from a place where there is only 'rightwrong' and 'blackwhite,' beyond this dimension. Universe unfolds according to Hermetic Law, as outlined in the Kybalion. There are seven Universal Principles: Mentalism, Correspondence, Vibration, Polarity, Rhythm, Cause and Effect, and Gender. Essentially there are no opposites, only opposite ends of a given spectrum. "There's a thin line, between love and hate," as the song goes. Think about that for a moment. Many can't even conceive of such things, so they remain in essence slaves to the dramas of life and sew the seeds of victimhood and ignorance in doing so.
We are essentially inside an infinite holographic simulator of some kind, and we're in a dense sector. As above, so below. Other dimensions exist, perhaps even infinitely. Other parts of ourselves exist in some of these other dimensions. There is a higher version of ourselves that exists, vibrating at a higher level, in a higher dimension, outside of linear time. This higher self works with our spirit guides and/or angels, and guides our experiences based on our choices so that the lessons we came here to learn are presented to us, despite our choices or station in life. There is no escape, regardless of life choices, from lessons being presented in real life dramatic fashion. In Kabbalah, this is called one's tikkun, things that we personally have to work out, to learn, and in doing so make the world a better place. This higher self could be, from our current perspective, a future versions of each of us.
Other energy systems and/or entities from other dimensions transit at various points through our daily lives, yet like two-dimensional flat shapes on a flat plane that would find it impossible to comprehend a three-dimensional being, we remain largely constrained within our 3D reality and its density, unable to fully comprehend dimensional realities that are vibrating at a higher frequency than ours. There must be ways by which one can master transit at will to other dimensional experiences. That is the prize that I have sought my entire life. Over time I began to tell myself that I already know the answers to the questions I ponder, and that it's a simple act of remembrance that is the key that will unlock all doors. That would be a simple solution right there, however difficult.
I ask myself -- If all that there is, and all that ever was, is love - is that a clue that would lead to further understanding of Universe? How far must one go to be love incarnate? What does that actually mean in terms of moment by moment living of life? Does wisdom play a part in balancing what would otherwise be an all-consuming, runaway compassion? If, as The Law of One states, "There is only one of us here," then what are we collectively running from, as a race, in terms of a full understanding of selves and our place in Universe? Or, are we being manipulated beyond our ability to comprehend? If we are being manipulated, is the manipulation taking place just so we might learn lessons and realize, in terms of a starting point, who or what we
don't want to be?
Could it be that this entire physical life experience, based on learning, isn't nearly as serious as we make it out to be, and it's essentially a game that resets itself after each physical incarnation? Is our true nature to exist with 'lovehate' or 'hatelove,' sans polarity as we know it, since Hermetic Law says that they are one in the same, just opposite sides of the same spectrum? I continue to tell myself that I'm a spiritual being having a human experience in a polarized 3D materium. Having worked inside 3D simulators for several years, this has been part of my mosiac / reality tunnel for some years now. I believe Universe brought me to that place as part of my awakening process. This planet, I now believe, is in fact some sort of school. Successful completion of previously outlined lessons could lead to vibrating at a higher level, thus, opening the doors to higher dimensions. Then again, that may not be the case at all.
I've identified as an Indigo Child since first reading about the subject many years ago. This could be my first time here on earth. Perhaps it is, yet I have seen glimpses of memories from worlds unknown to me in this lifetime. Could some of that be what is called cellular memory, part of my ancestral DNA or are they scenes from past incarnations? I believe it's likely that I'm what Dolores Cannon has come to call a Volunteer Soul. That concept resonates with me greatly, and it would explain a lot if it were true. Five words could sum up my physical incarnation: stranger in a strange land. There is so much that I don't understand in terms of why things are the way they are on this planet... suffering begetting more suffering. For some reason, Ravel's "
Bolero" seems a fitting piece of music to serve as the soundtrack for the circle of life. I just thought I'd mention that, haha.
I'm not a glass-half-full kind of person, but by and large, people are suffering, and many all over the world have nothing to eat, no fresh water, etc. We're saying to Universe on some level, "This is the best we can do. It's every person for him or herself. It's just the way it is." Planetary school or no school, this continues to bother me. Some would say, "So change it," and I do try in my daily life that is before me, in each moment. Anything else is dreaming, but I do dream as well. I dream big. When I contrast the natural beauty of the planet and the creations of some of the most prolifically talented people around the world, I arrive at a bittersweet irony. Will there ever be a true paradigm shift, where we, as a race of sentient beings, drops the shackles of our consumption-based, Madison Avenue-fueled, pharmaceutical-drenched existence to step into and collectively embrace a new era and new ways of being? I'm talking beyond one's wildest dreams here.
If that is ever to occur, it will start with a simple thought: I can imagine a better world. I believe that if we can mentally conceive of something, however far from technological capacity it may be at any time, it's ultimately doable. So naive or not, ascension / paradigm shift or not, I choose to experience the rest of my journey in the Now, my perfect teacher. I believe that the archenemy of humanity is the human ego. One can trace most if not all of the world's problems to the ego (e-g-o: everybody's got one). I believe that if there is such a thing as "The Beast" of biblical scripture and/or myth is commerce itself; it's consumption. This, too, has been part of my reality for some years now.
It appears to be so obvious to me. Our civilized world with all of its corruption, is a largely a mutant bastardization of the gift of life. Within that bastardization lie the banksters, the corporations and their many minions that we know as politicians and leaders. It's such a joke once you really begin to look closely at the whole thing. Bread and circus for the masses, eagerly served up 24/7 by the media, while greed runs its course across the long table of consumption as (figurative, programmed) swine feast endlessly. Our world runs on the premise of infinite economic growth, as if the resources of the planet and the blood, sweat and tears of its inhabitants has no end. It does have an end. We cannot continue like this if we wish to survive. That much is evident to many around the world today, and for that I am thankful. Could it be that we're gaining some traction?
Up until this point in linear time though, this is the best we have managed to do and it's rather disappointing. But that doesn't mean that there isn't hope. We live within a universe of infinite possibilities, therefore, the potential for a paradigm shift is there, it's just a matter of if and when. I can't say that I put much hope in the messages of channelers. More of them have emerged over time, and their messages, at least to me, seem to be proverbial carrots dangling on sticks. Just like the ascension and 2012 cataclysm memes, "something" is always "just around the corner" and yet nothing out of the ordinary appears to happen that would usher in any kind of real change. I've seen these cycles come and go since I was a teen and began reading consciousness-related materials.
Many memes within the 'consciousness community' appear to me to be eerily similar to the impassioned chatter of many televangelists of the past several decades who have predicted trials, tribulations, future events and end times. I often wonder if those types of narratives are part of the game that keeps us locked inside of this matrix of consumption and materialism. Perhaps time will tell, perhaps not. In life, one must learn to expect the unexpected, to be prepared for the blindsiding effects of
black swans. Certainly considering various viewpoints is healthy, and can help one to gain further understanding, but too much immersion and we fall victim to the memes themselves. I would venture a guess that we'll see plenty more black swan-like events before anything that resembles the many ascension memes. As for anything you find written here, take what resonates, if anything, and discard the rest.
I may sound like somewhat of a pessimist, but I'm not. I have lived by the mantra, "Never lose your sense of wonder" since my early years, and I do believe that in order for a paradigm shift to occur that would usher in a grand new human life experience, it has to start with a single thought, and that thought could be to imagine a better world, as I stated earlier here. Everything in this physical plane begins with a thought, however unlikely or seemingly impossible such a thought would be. I do know also that any thoughts must initiate
action in order to be fully physically realized. Over the past few years we've seen sparks... the 'spring' movements in various countries, the Occupy movement here in the US. They give me hope, but for now, all I can do is to live moment to moment, with mindfulness and a dedication to stay in the Now. When I use my imagination, I say "Why not?" to a better world, a better way of life, to the expansion of human consciousness that reaches for the keys to the secrets of Universe and all of its infinite possibilities.
Are we approaching Terence McKenna's
Timewave Zero or will life continue to go on as it has, with humanity stuck inside of an outdated paradigm that does itself and the planet no good? All that I have, all that I have ever had, is the present, the Now. The time for gurus has passed. Simply being, loving and living out each moment, no matter what comes, is all there is. Is that essentially part of the human physical experience on earth, desperate to repeat itself over and over, to hope for hope's sake - or do simple thoughts, dreams and hopes of a better world lay down the track for human evolution to race across in future years?
As I've said all along, I don't have any answers. I am just a being experiencing this life. Events globally have unfolded in an intriguing way over the past decade or so, enough to make me wonder how much longer the current paradigm is sustainable. When I couple those observations with my own somewhat bizarre consciousness-related experiences, I can't help but wonder if we are approaching some kind of tipping point. It would certainly give me context for many things, yet often times Universe offers no context, so becoming attached to outcomes or expectations does no good. One must surrender to the present moment and just live. And as I live, hope - great hope, continues to live with me, regardless of my assumptions or whatever my mosaic of perception looks like at any given time.
Here are some recent videos that you might find interesting...
Lisa Renee on Hundredth Monkey Radio. This was a real blessing for me to find. Fascinating. This one starts somewhere past the six minute mark. I have just listened to this as I finished this post while retrieving the saved video links for Dolores and Clif below. Lisa's spontaneous kundalini experience, though different than mine (hers was apparently much more painful), has so many eerily similar details to mine, including the precursor of a Dark Night of the Soul experience, that it nearly freaked me out. She uses the word 'initiation,' as did I, and talks frankly about how one questions one's sanity when this type of event string unfolds. This is the first time that I've come across someone who appears to have had the same series of experiences - Wow. And talk about timing - Whoah.
The latest from Dolores Cannon:
The latest from Clif High...
Clif's Wujo - Web Bot Update, March 20, 2012:
Clif's Wujo: Release Language Waves, COP Training, Unknowing (March 29, 2012):
~ Namaste ~
