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Sunday, January 3, 2010

Do You See Me?

It continues.  I've been feeling somewhat identical to Neo in the Matrix for several weeks now.  I can't describe most of it here.  So much information.  Much of it has no context as yet.  My meditations lately have turned into 24-hour affairs.  I've gotten about eight hours sleep over the past 96 hours.  That sensation on my back is pulsing constantly.  My hearing and vision have changed.  For two days I could sense a veil that was over the earth.  My perception of light has changed as well.  I noticed that my focus had changed.  Now, the concentration point of my focus naturally moves to the horizon, and I feel as if I'm seeing the detail in my field of view in a backwards motion, from the horizon toward me, instead of the other way around.  I can see things in the distance with great detail like never before.  In my meditation, the term "lifted gaze" has entered repeatedly.  It feels as if I've vibrated into another reality... one that is a phase off from what I'm used to, but everything seems to have a balance and grace to it.  Sometimes it feels as though I've vibed right out of this dimension.  

The last few days have been beyond belief.  I've stood for many hours meditating, which I normally don't do.  I'll do it when I run in the morning, but it never occurred to me previously to maintain meditation standing still.  I've also paced and paced meditating, marveling at how this energetic shift in awareness had really started to go off the charts, making me walk in circles for an hour or two.  Much of the information that I have received has to do with the order of things universal, the order of my ancient ancestry and the order of my current physical life.  The amount of information is too much to attempt to catalog here, and much of it will take time for me to process.  I've never felt such an intense, often playful feeling with Source energy before.  So much became clear to me about so many things, many from past lives and bloodlines, yet now I have twice the amount of questions.  When I close my eyes anywhere, including a dark room, there is a constant white glow at the base of my eyes.  That's how it appears to me... like a white aurora in my mind's eye.  I've also been able to see with my eyelids closed, which has never happened to me before.  Something has also happened with my hearing.  This is been quite extraordinary.  

It's also been scary at times.  My meditations have taken on another dimension, so vivid... more intense than at any other time sans using herbal or other help to achieve such a state.  My back has been pulsating more than ever.  As I said, I feel like I'm being guided, or taught something.  Perhaps I've tapped into a deeper part of myself, or maybe I've tuned into a higher vibration.  If I yield to the awareness...  it's like a unity thing... it's delicious.  That's the best way to describe it.  In all my years of dogmas, memes and searching... since I started to deconstruct my construct, my reality tunnel... I've never quite connected in this way.  As this has been occurring, my life contains more uncertainty than ever, as what I've built over the past ten years collapses.

During a spontaneous visit to the Lake Shrine yesterday, I was directed to walk the grounds in my bare feet, which I managed to do for about two hours before a staff member reminded me of liability issues in doing so.  The impression I got was that I should try and absorb the energy of the ground.  There are several places on the grounds where there are benches.  Each one is in a different section of the grounds' environment, and each has its own unique tiling, along with a sacred rock base up which the bench sits.  Someone had told me that the rocks were imported from a holy site somewhere at the time of the Shrine's construction.  

I had been sitting on one of the stone benches for about twenty minutes.  A black cat that lives on the ground had hopped up on the bench and then into my lap.  Two women approached on the path.  As they got closer our eyes met and the radiating pulse point in my back started to vibrate significantly.  They stopped and we started to talk.  Again, for whatever reason, these past few weeks have been other-worldly in terms of an expansion in my perceptions, both spiritual and most recently, physical.  I felt so familiar with these two strangers.  A couple of times we all just started to laugh... in that way that you do with good friends at certain times.

We talked about the Shrine, a potential universal consciousness shift within the next few years and briefly toward the end about soul groups and time on a grand scale.  Toward the end of the conversation, as I looked at these two beautiful woman, my thoughts turned toward the possibility of previous incarnations, past lives and trying to remember more and more about them (since this information, at least for me until very recently, has been slow in coming forth).  As we were saying goodbye, I had clasped my hands and one of the women did the same as she placed her hands on mine.  An even bigger smile than I had seen from her expanded across her face from ear to ear as she took in a furiously deep breath.  Our eyes locked.  She started jumping up and down quickly, her hands still clasped with mine... "Do you see me?!?!!  Do you see me?!?!!"  I was riveted - shocked - amazed - and my knees almost collapsed.  It was like her soul was communicating directly with mine beyond the physical.

Instantly I felt that I had a kinship with her.  Something that she and I could both feel, yet the depth and context were not able to be fully realized.  Maybe she could feel it more than me initially, which is why she started jumping and said what she said.  I stood there for some time at the bench after the women left.  We told each other in the cosmic sense that we'd see one another again.  My body continued to vibrate in this new ecstasy mode that I have been in.  By the time I got home, I was in this cloud.  The pace of strange encounters like this has increased exponentially of late.  Later that evening I had moved on and back into reading and taking notes, as the desire to learn more about my merkaba and other consciousness-related subjects were being fed through my new-found cosmic information line.  I dove into it again for hours.

Shortly before midnight, I went into the kitchen to make some green tea.  On my kitchen counter is a small framed picture of a panda, sitting in some flowers.  It was given to me when I was very young by my grandmother, who passed away over ten years ago.  Above the panda is a butterfly, and the saying "Know that you are loved."  I had come across it during the move last September and had placed it on the counter.  As I walked into the kitchen, I glanced at the picture.  The panda became animated, stood up and I heard "Do you see me?!?!!  Do you see me?!?!!"  I almost fell over.  Another first.  I just stared at the picture wondering what had just happened - and if it was going to do it again.  I have no explanation.  I stood in the kitchen for about an hour after that, contemplating what that and the day's earlier events could mean.  I don't know.  I do know that the common denominator of everything that's been happening to me lately is vibration-related.