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Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I recently relocated and was sitting alone on my bed in my new apartment, thinking about something.  It was not a windy day, and there wasn't a fan blowing any air.  It was just peaceful and quiet.  Suddenly I heard (with my physical ears) "Yooouuuuuuuu."  As this word was spoken, by who or what I have no idea, the word came in a rush of air, as if the source blew the word into my ear in the way a fan could if it could speak when turned on in a high speed setting.  It blew into my ear just like that, and I could feel rush of air hit my ear and the left side of my head.  My first reaction wasn't fear though, as odd as that might sound after such an occurrence.  In my younger years, something like that would have flat-out scared the crap out of me.  What I felt was more a curiosity than anything else, followed by a vague sense of guilt for nothing in particular, if only because of the insistent, powerful tone of the voice.  I rarely hear anything such as that audibly, if ever, in the course of daily life.  As such, it remains a curiosity at this point.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Something Random Written

There are elements of stability present in my life at this point but things are certainly not as they were.  I miss my former partner, companion and partner in crime very much.  I wish her all the best.  Life for the past year or so has been getting tougher, and my two jobs - making money by creating and selling virtual reality landscapes to customers internationally has taken a beating due to effects from the overall economy (as well as the host company's foibles) and my other job at a local friend's dot com seems like it will be ending soon, which will leave me in a place that I haven't been in quite some time.  I'm trying to remain as positive as I can and take to heart the fact that this existence is a learning process that breeds spiritual growth.

I recently came across a paragraph that I had written several years ago, although I'm not sure quite when since it was on a page pulled from another notebook and placed into the back of a notebook that I happened to open.  It must have been from early 2004, as near as I can tell.  Ironically, it's also an example of me being at odds with my writing.  As I believe I stated somewhere earlier, I keep a lot of notebooks and also have a tendency to just throw some of them away after a few years.  I'd almost rather not write anything, much less read it back to myself.  The thing is, I have no recollection of writing this at all, which is strange.  I can usually picture where I was when I wrote something or heard a particular song for the first time.  Who am I talking to in this paragraph?  I have no idea.  I don't even know where the words came from or why.  Either way, in my present situation I find some sort of comfort in them...

"My words are like water, my thoughts like cheap wine.  Turn again Wind of Ways and bring to me Time.  Open your doors once again and begin to share with me the secrets hidden within your halls.  Open to me and pour yourself on to my body ~ Run through my entire being ~ Cover me with your flood and rush of all the universe's knowledge.  Speak to me like your spoke to me before - Like you spoke to the billions of stars as they formed so many billions of times.  I am a vessel, your vessel.  I do indeed know you and you me.  Let the circle once again remain unbroken and let us share in the grand infinite knowledge of all things.  Here I am.  Whenever always."

There were other ramblings at the bottom of the page...

"Spool.  Spools of time.  Wheels.  A Wheel.  The Wheel, turning."

"Here again.  For what purpose?  Again.  Always.  Nevermind."

"Is there any need to remember when I was asleep?  Is there?  Is there?"

"Like a familiar theme song of someone coming home."

"If someone should sing, is it... joyful?"

It's all just something random written, but sometimes coming across notes like that can help add some perspective to one's current state of affairs.  I don't claim to know much about anything, and as I said early on, I am only the sum-total of my experiences.  I take everything with a grain of salt, working on the mosaic, trying to make some sense out of what seems just as random as events in daily life can appear to be.  I don't believe anything happens by chance anymore.  Hermetically speaking, there is no such thing, as hard as that can be for my physical mind to sustain sometimes, especially when I feel things aren't going my way, so to speak.  There is just infinite possibility and situations are created by cause and effect.  This I must remember and take to heart.