One Of The Reasons I Believe We're Not Alone

I have had many different types of experiences over the years whereby I have come to the conclusion that what we see with our physical eyes is only a portion of the reality of the universe.  I have narrowly escaped death more than once without being injured, opened connections with spirit guides and had such a tremendous measure of seeming coincidence occur in my life that people who have known me have remarked that it appeared profoundly bizarre to them.  Yet, there is one particular experience that stands above all of them, most notably because I saw it with my physical eyes when I was with someone else on an otherwise drab, normal day.

I worked for over ten years in ward of Boston, Massachusetts called Allston.  One night in 1997, myself and another officer of the company were leaving work late, which was customary for department heads.  Our building was home to about 60 employees, and everyone else had long since gone home.  It was about 9:45pm on a mostly clear, cool night in early early November, when you could see a few of the limited stars that one can see in Allston, with a few high cirrus clouds scattered about.  Our building was located on the New Balance (athletic wear) headquarters campus at the time, which consisted of several buildings with a large parking lot that bordered the south of our the building, which we were renting from the NB people.

The main door of our building faced north and the entrance was on a small concrete base about three steps up from parking lot level.  To the west of our entrance was another New Balance building that used to be a factory.  The old factory building was probably about 20K square feet, one floor but with a large triangular roof above the first floor that angled up at about 30 degrees to its center.  That building sat at the very western edge of our parking lot.  Just to that building's south another building that housed the New Balance headquarters offices.  On many evenings, a select few people were working late over there as well.

We were talking as we left, and my co-worker stood behind me as I locked the outside door, after which we turned to the west to walk down the concrete steps into the parking lot and our cars.  We hadn't each taken more than a step when we noticed something coming down from the sky just to the west of the old one-story factory building at the end of the parking lot.  We were frozen for several seconds as we watched this figure descending from about 100 feet in the air to our west.  The distance from where we were standing was no more than about twenty car lengths before the the factory building began.  The distance to the other side of the factory building was no more than 50 yards from where we stood.  The surrounding area was lit with those mercury vapor lights mounted atop telephone poles, giving the parking lot and the spaces between the buildings a soft orange-ish glow.

Like something out of ancient literature or science fiction, here was what I will loosely call an angel, only because it looked like statues and pictures that I had seen since I was young.  As it floated down, rather rapidly and with determination, I'll never forget the first few things that we noticed about it:  the figure was translucent, as if it was glowing white but transparent, and the vapor lamps that illuminated the area gave it somewhat of a light orange glow.  It looked to be rather large in human terms, and as judging from the distance we were from it, it appeared to be much taller than any human.  As it descended, it had one leg pointing straight down while its other leg was bent so as the knee was up, with the one thigh parallel to the ground.  With grace this descent took place.  Its wings appeared to be slightly taller than its body and they fanned out slightly as it approached the ground.  Its wings were perhaps three or more feet taller than its body.  We were completely stunned.  It quickly disappeared on the other side of the old factory building.

"Okay, you did see that, right?"  I said to my co-worker,  who was the company president at the time.  She was not religious by any means, and during this time in the late nineties as I've stated in previous posts, neither was I.  I had begun to get into Buddhism and meditation in the years prior, but seeing anything that could remotely be called angelic was the furthest thing from either of our minds.  "Uh, are you kidding?  Of course I saw that."  Slowly we began to walk out into the parking lot, heading southwest and toward where the old factory building ended, where there was a space - like an alley - maybe about thirty feet or so between where the south border of the old factory building and the north face of the New Balance headquarters building began, which was about four or five stories high.  We made it almost to the middle point between our exit door and the start of the alley space between the two NB buildings, when suddenly, there the figure was again - walking on the ground in the alley space approaching the HQ building, where there was a fire door located on its northeast corner.  We stopped in our tracks.

The figure walked just to the right of the fire door, slightly lowered its head and walked through the wall and into the larger building.  "WTF?"  Our shock and amazement went up another several notches.  From this perspective, it was easier to see that this figure was definitely taller than any human, probably twelve feet or so in height.  "Oh, my god.  What do you think that was?"  We were beside ourselves.  Having made it about fifteen yards or so into the parking lot, we just stood there, staring at where the being had gone into the wall, covered in goosebumps.  It wasn't like we could run over to the front entrance of the New Balance building, as nobody would have been in reception.  There were several lights on in offices with maybe a handful of people still working in offices, but there wasn't anything that we could do at that point but talk about what we had both just witnessed.

We continued to talk, and about two or three minutes later, still maybe about thirty or so yards away from where the being had entered the north wall of the larger building, we were again stunned when it emerged from virtually the same place in the brick wall into which it had entered the building.  It walked out from the wall, went across the alley space and again disappeared behind the western wall of the one-story factory building.  Again, we were completely floored.  Not more than a minute after that, it appeared rising from the western side of the factory building about where it had first landed, one leg up just as it had come down, and this time with one arm pointing straight up as if it was lunging toward the open sky, with its wings gracefully opening.  It started rising slowly, and as it reached a height of about fifty feet I'd say it was heading upward at a speed of about thirty or so miles per hour.  We stood in the parking lot and watched it go up into the sky until we couldn't see it any longer.  It seemed to pick up speed and its wings opened and gently closed gracefully during its ascent.

There was simply no doubt about what we had witnessed.  I contacted my ex co-worker (and friend) several months ago and asked her if she still remembered that night.  "Yeah, it was a freaky night," was her reply.  For some reason, we never spoke about it with anyone in the workplace.  The company that we worked for was very progressive, culture forward and full of artist types like ourselves.  I'm sure the story would have been interesting had we shared it with everyone, but it just didn't work out that way.  As I sit and write this now, almost fourteen years (doesn't seem nearly that long) ago, my left-brain goes nearly mad with thoughts of "Why didn't you run over to where it went into the building?" and "Why didn't you yell out to it that you could see whatever it was?"  I still wonder about those things.  Certainly, if it had happened today I'd most likely have a video of it, and, if that were the case, I can assure you that it would have been the video that went 'round the world.  Translucent as it was, it was still definable in terms of its features and I'm sure from how clearly we could see it during those four distinct times, the descent, the alley in, the alley out and the ascension, that it would have showed up on a digital camera.

 As I recall this experience, something that I've wanted to share on this blog for the past couple of years, I'm reminded of another similar, yet not so close in terms of distance, time that I viewed what I would term beings of another dimension when I was visiting Jamaica.  At some point I'll put that one down on this blog as well.  My point in relating this experience here at this time is as much for my own edification as for anyone else who might come across this story.  I've lived a wonderful life, during which most of my adult life I have been blessed enough to have enjoyed careers in and around art.  Most of what was many stable periods in my life have all fallen to pieces over the past two years, and I have lost two businesses.  I'm nearly bankrupt, in massive debt for the first time in my life and if something doesn't change soon, I look to be homeless sometime within the next several months.  Ever the seeker, I continue to seek answers in mediation, prayer, chanting, visualization, offerings and anything that I can think of to bring back some sense of normalcy to my life, including being able to visit family and old friends from whom I've been separated now for quite some time.

Depressed would be a good way to put it, yet somewhere deep down inside me, I feel that everything is going to be okay.  I've contemplated some very dark thoughts over this past year, as the walls appear to be closing in on me and keeping me from somehow being able to get back on my feet and change my life for the better.  I still feel that I've got so much to give, and there is so much that I still want to create and share with others.  I have no answers as to why things are the way that they are.  Some days I've fallen asleep asking to be taken, to purge my soul into another, higher dimension and say goodbye to this life, as I feel that I've fulfilled much of what I came here to do, yet nothing seems to change.  Rather it seems like the movie Groundhog Day, only I'm not invincible.  I've cried out to the wisdom that created me for answers, and still have no clear path - any path - out of my current situation.  Recalling experiences like this help me to remember that there is more to this life that we can see or understand at any given moment, and in doing so I am reminded that I need to trust and accept things the way that they are.  Things like this keep me going during trying times.

If I had to say what it was, I'd say it was an angelic being, as would my co-worker.  That alone tells me that we are not alone.  Since seriously contemplating writing about this experience here over the past several months, I've tried to reach out to that being, whatever it was.  I would think that being other-dimensional, it had to have been aware that we were in the parking lot and could see it, therefore, it stands to reason (at least to me) that I should be able to make some sort of contact with it.  If I, with my earthly mind, can remember it so vividly, surely it must know that I write about it even now.  Perhaps at some point I will be privileged enough to encounter it again.  Ultimately, time will tell.

Namaste. 

Do You See Me?

It continues.  I've been feeling somewhat identical to Neo in the Matrix for several weeks now.  I can't describe most of it here.  So much information.  Much of it has no context as yet.  My meditations lately have turned into 24-hour affairs.  I've gotten about eight hours sleep over the past 96 hours.  That sensation on my back is pulsing constantly.  My hearing and vision have changed.  For two days I could sense a veil that was over the earth.  My perception of light has changed as well.  I noticed that my focus had changed.  Now, the concentration point of my focus naturally moves to the horizon, and I feel as if I'm seeing the detail in my field of view in a backwards motion, from the horizon toward me, instead of the other way around.  I can see things in the distance with great detail like never before.  In my meditation, the term "lifted gaze" has entered repeatedly.  It feels as if I've vibrated into another reality... one that is a phase off from what I'm used to, but everything seems to have a balance and grace to it.  Sometimes it feels as though I've vibed right out of this dimension.  

The last few days have been beyond belief.  I've stood for many hours meditating, which I normally don't do.  I'll do it when I run in the morning, but it never occurred to me previously to maintain meditation standing still.  I've also paced and paced meditating, marveling at how this energetic shift in awareness had really started to go off the charts, making me walk in circles for an hour or two.  Much of the information that I have received has to do with the order of things universal, the order of my ancient ancestry and the order of my current physical life.  The amount of information is too much to attempt to catalog here, and much of it will take time for me to process.  I've never felt such an intense, often playful feeling with Source energy before.  So much became clear to me about so many things, many from past lives and bloodlines, yet now I have twice the amount of questions.  When I close my eyes anywhere, including a dark room, there is a constant white glow at the base of my eyes.  That's how it appears to me... like a white aurora in my mind's eye.  I've also been able to see with my eyelids closed, which has never happened to me before.  Something has also happened with my hearing.  This is been quite extraordinary.  

It's also been scary at times.  My meditations have taken on another dimension, so vivid... more intense than at any other time sans using herbal or other help to achieve such a state.  My back has been pulsating more than ever.  As I said, I feel like I'm being guided, or taught something.  Perhaps I've tapped into a deeper part of myself, or maybe I've tuned into a higher vibration.  If I yield to the awareness...  it's like a unity thing... it's delicious.  That's the best way to describe it.  In all my years of dogmas, memes and searching... since I started to deconstruct my construct, my reality tunnel... I've never quite connected in this way.  As this has been occurring, my life contains more uncertainty than ever, as what I've built over the past ten years collapses.

During a spontaneous visit to the Lake Shrine yesterday, I was directed to walk the grounds in my bare feet, which I managed to do for about two hours before a staff member reminded me of liability issues in doing so.  The impression I got was that I should try and absorb the energy of the ground.  There are several places on the grounds where there are benches.  Each one is in a different section of the grounds' environment, and each has its own unique tiling, along with a sacred rock base up which the bench sits.  Someone had told me that the rocks were imported from a holy site somewhere at the time of the Shrine's construction.  

I had been sitting on one of the stone benches for about twenty minutes.  A black cat that lives on the ground had hopped up on the bench and then into my lap.  Two women approached on the path.  As they got closer our eyes met and the radiating pulse point in my back started to vibrate significantly.  They stopped and we started to talk.  Again, for whatever reason, these past few weeks have been other-worldly in terms of an expansion in my perceptions, both spiritual and most recently, physical.  I felt so familiar with these two strangers.  A couple of times we all just started to laugh... in that way that you do with good friends at certain times.

We talked about the Shrine, a potential universal consciousness shift within the next few years and briefly toward the end about soul groups and time on a grand scale.  Toward the end of the conversation, as I looked at these two beautiful woman, my thoughts turned toward the possibility of previous incarnations, past lives and trying to remember more and more about them (since this information, at least for me until very recently, has been slow in coming forth).  As we were saying goodbye, I had clasped my hands and one of the women did the same as she placed her hands on mine.  An even bigger smile than I had seen from her expanded across her face from ear to ear as she took in a furiously deep breath.  Our eyes locked.  She started jumping up and down quickly, her hands still clasped with mine... "Do you see me?!?!!  Do you see me?!?!!"  I was riveted - shocked - amazed - and my knees almost collapsed.  It was like her soul was communicating directly with mine beyond the physical.

Instantly I felt that I had a kinship with her.  Something that she and I could both feel, yet the depth and context were not able to be fully realized.  Maybe she could feel it more than me initially, which is why she started jumping and said what she said.  I stood there for some time at the bench after the women left.  We told each other in the cosmic sense that we'd see one another again.  My body continued to vibrate in this new ecstasy mode that I have been in.  By the time I got home, I was in this cloud.  The pace of strange encounters like this has increased exponentially of late.  Later that evening I had moved on and back into reading and taking notes, as the desire to learn more about my merkaba and other consciousness-related subjects were being fed through my new-found cosmic information line.  I dove into it again for hours.

Shortly before midnight, I went into the kitchen to make some green tea.  On my kitchen counter is a small framed picture of a panda, sitting in some flowers.  It was given to me when I was very young by my grandmother, who passed away over ten years ago.  Above the panda is a butterfly, and the saying "Know that you are loved."  I had come across it during the move last September and had placed it on the counter.  As I walked into the kitchen, I glanced at the picture.  The panda became animated, stood up and I heard "Do you see me?!?!!  Do you see me?!?!!"  I almost fell over.  Another first.  I just stared at the picture wondering what had just happened - and if it was going to do it again.  I have no explanation.  I stood in the kitchen for about an hour after that, contemplating what that and the day's earlier events could mean.  I don't know.  I do know that the common denominator of everything that's been happening to me lately is vibration-related.

Something Entirely New - Going Down The Rabbit Hole

Whoah.  I've had my share of spiritual and consciousness-related experiences over the years, and a handful of them have been extremely intense.  At some point I'll try and recount them here if they come to mind or I find context for them.  The change in awareness that I have been carrying these past couple of weeks has continued, and something happened to me yesterday that was entirely new for me.  Yesterday I was walking in a hallway of my home when I felt something, probably best described as an icy finger, touch my back above my left shoulder blade.  I stopped and immediately swung my right arm back over my shoulder to touch the area, because the sensation, although it stimulated nerves (or felt as such), it was not something I'd never felt before. 

I suppose you could say it was similar to those occasional phantom pains we can get from time to time... super-quick and gone before you can react.  But this was different and not painful, just intense.  It felt like a mixture of hot and cold.  As I swung my right arm behind my head so that my hand could touch the area, the sensation that began as a singular point began to travel down my back diagonally, moving down toward my right side and leaving a trail of sensation in its wake.  My next reaction, right arm still bent back behind my neck, was to flip my head back to look up, because my brain immediately reacted as something must be leaking from the ceiling.  There was nothing there.

What's even more strange to me is that where the sensation settled, now on my right side below my shoulder blade, a sensation remains.  It's not the same as what I described as feeling like someone's icy cold finger anymore though.  Now it feels like a constant pulsation, radiating from the point where the movement stopped.  I only slept for about three hours last night but what got me up this morning was the new radiating sensation.  I have been meditating and reading a lot during waking hours, as if driven.  The drive I feel is like that of what I called a New Spiritual Wind in a previous post - that I've experienced every so-many years or so, but this is different.  It's as if my attention is being directed.  As I move from one book or meditation to another, it's as if there is a constant information echo through which certain teachings or principles appear to me at a rate of frequency that would be most comparable to advertising.  Wow.  More as this develops.

Weird

I recently relocated and was sitting alone on my bed in my new apartment, thinking about something.  It was not a windy day, and there wasn't a fan blowing any air.  It was just peaceful and quiet.  Suddenly I heard (with my physical ears) "Yooouuuuuuuu."  As this word was spoken, by who or what I have no idea, the word came in a rush of air, as if the source blew the word into my ear in the way a fan could if it could speak when turned on in a high speed setting.  It blew into my ear just like that, and I could feel rush of air hit my ear and the left side of my head.  My first reaction wasn't fear though, as odd as that might sound after such an occurrence.  In my younger years, something like that would have flat-out scared the crap out of me.  What I felt was more a curiosity than anything else, followed by a vague sense of guilt for nothing in particular, if only because of the insistent, powerful tone of the voice.  I rarely hear anything such as that audibly, if ever, in the course of daily life.  As such, it remains a curiosity at this point.

Seeing Blue Lights

I have been seeing flecks, sparkles and flashes of light for the past few years.  The intensity has increased a bit over time, but they are mostly small and last for a fraction of a second.  They are often blue, sometimes white.  Sometimes they appear almost as tiny orbs, but mostly like sparkling sand.  I remember when I first started to notice them.  They mostly appeared to my left at first, and at a distance.  Now I see them from time to time on both sides.

They're not what's known as eye floaters - those spots you may sometimes see moving across the surface of your eye that appear within your field of vision.  I've seen those from time to time and they're quite different, being dark grey or black in tone and have a symmetry of movement that can be observed for several minutes and is easily predictable.  These light flashes are different.  They are intense enough that they get my attention every time, forcing me to look at them before I realize that I'm looking, and by then they're gone.  Several friends have told me that they see these kinds of lights occasionally as well.  There's an interesting forum page in Pavlina where people share some possible explanations.

Update: June 2010 - See update in post "More Blue Lights" as these appearances have started to increase for me once again.