Dolores Cannon On Volunteer Souls - Updated January 2011

I have been posting here a bit more often, which is probably due to the fact that my life continues to be in a state of flux, presenting some of the most difficult challenges that I have faced thus far.  Many of my creative places of refuge have disintegrated, and this little blog is starting to become one of the last places into which I can pour out personal expression.  I keep trying to tell myself that there is wisdom in uncertainty, as the yogis say, and in that way try to bring about a change in my perspective that is more one of anticipation than dread.  As I read about earth changes and ascension, I try to hold on to a positive outlook and understand that there are probably many people like me who are experiencing the same sorts of feelings.  All for the greater good, for growth, I tell myself.

About a year and a half ago, my life turned upside down.  I had moved from a very comfortable life in the northeast to the far west coast in 2002.  Why I chose to do that had to do more with my inner world expanding and a growing intuition that was driving me to explore things that were completely new to me in terms of self expression.  I am a wearer of masks and I have lived many lives within this one incarnation, sometimes taking on completely new identities and building lives around them.  I've lived as both physical genders.  It's probably one of the reasons that I was active in theatre and film for so long, albeit in non-commercial success terms.  I'm glad that I did it, because my personal growth accelerated greatly, and I conquered many demons from my earlier years in the process.  I've been here for over eight years now, and although I had created a very stable life filled with many wonderful people, everything in my latest world began to change in August of 2009.

My relationship of (then) nearly six years had come to a close.  For much of that time, I felt as though I had finally settled down with another soul mate.  Although we were very different people, we shared a love that seemed to grow with each passing year.  It was a tremendous time of spiritual expansiveness for me, and my partner helped me to nearly dissolve all that was left of my childhood forced belief systems.  Since last summer, as I've referenced in previous posts, I have entered into what is known as a Dark Night of the Soul.  This period has also been punctuated with some of the most intense spiritual experiences of my life.  I'm at a point now where I don't know what tomorrow will bring or how long I can sustain myself.  My two jobs have disintegrated, including the one gig (and I've had many great ones) that I loved probably more than any other, which was creating virtual reality landscapes for an international customer base.  I must say though that all of this has taught me much.  My time in virtual reality really opened up my universal consciousness in terms of "As above, so below.  So below, as above."  I now believe, as do some leading computer scientists and quantum physicists, that we are in a giant holographic simulator of some kind.

I recently came across the work of past-life regressionist Dolores Cannon.  Having read two of Dr. Michael Newton's books over the past three years, I found Dolores' work speaking to me in ways that felt very familiar.  I'm an Indigo Child, part of the first wave that came to earth in the 60s.  That I have known for years.  I was accelerated in school early on and had a childhood filled with astral travel and flying dreams.  My teen years and much of my adulthood has been filled with "Question Authority" moments and I've always had a hard time understanding man's inhumanity to man.  It's just not the way that things are supposed to be.  This is know in my heart.  I have always felt that I didn't really belong here on earth for some reason, and spent many nights looking at the night sky hoping to see a glimpse into some place that I called my true home.  Many times, including this uncertain period in which I find myself presently, I find myself saying, "I just want to go home."  When I found this video of Dolores talking about what she calls Volunteer Souls, I was taken aback.  Wow.  This just speaks to my heart in ways I can't describe, as if she's talking to me.  Listening to this swells emotion within me.  I'd love to do work with her someday and further explore my roots in this sense.

Below is a video link to an excerpt from one of Dolores' interviews where she touches on some of the points that I've just described.  Finding this was a true blessing for me, and it felt like in one fell swoop I gained a lot of understanding about who I am and why I'm here.  Finds like this are rare.  Perhaps if you are an Indigo Child, you may find this interesting as well.  More information on Dolores can be found on her Ozark Mountain Publishing website.

Updated - January 2011:  For those that might have enjoyed the video above and want to hear more, below is a longer, extended series from Coast to Coast with George Noory about Volunteer Souls, in twelve parts.  At the time I found these, they were not sequenced, so I posted them all here.  Now there appears to be a sequence, so you may be able to watch them all within one video window.  Either way, Part 7 appears to be missing.  One intriguing sidebar here is the part about seeding life forms from other planets aside from humans, which dovetails into Robert Monroe's famous story of "Someone from Somewhere" and "Loosh" that he wrote about in his book, Far Journeys.  Hearing Dolores talk about a similar process that one of the world's foremost astral travel experts had outlined years ago gave me goosebumps.  It just makes sense to me on so many levels, especially if you can view the information outside of your culture's particular operating system, without being mired in governmental, religious, dogmatic and belief system influences.

Upon reading Monroe's rote on Loosh that was given to him in the astral plane, many feel, as I certainly did - I put the book down after reading that part and thought about the story for a couple of days; it's intense - that we as life forms are somehow being used and/or manipulated.  It actually made me feel sick, small, insignificant and scared.  Yet with time and a broader perspective, I was able to release myself from that line of thinking.  If we are in fact sparks of life force from the Divine Creator, and reality, or Maya, is all an illusion, and there is nothing to fear about death or pain therein, and consequently this experience is a game, then there is in fact nothing to fear at all, since we all eventually return home, to Source energy.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

Part 7:

(Can't seem to locate a Part 7; not sure if the poster skipped a number)

Part 8:

Part 9:

Part 10:

Part 11:

Part 12:

Namaste.

Write It Down Anyway

I've learned to always keep a notepad nearby when mediating, just in case I feel the need to remember anything.  I can't over-emphasize the importance of writing things down.  Our society today tends to herd our minds like so much cattle, repeating memes and so much (what Robert Monroe would call M-Band Noise - a cacophony of uncontrolled human thought energy that surrounds this planet) that it can be hard to tune into, let alone spend time in, stillness.  Monroe makes note in his books where during times of astral travel or OBEs, one's consciousness needs to pass through this "ring" as he calls it, to ascend into calmer, more peaceful states of awareness.  Meditation is simply calming your mind, slowing the thought process almost completely, to the point where you are embracing stillness in an expansive way.  Once you've done that for a time, you'll notice that certain things may come to mind during or after said meditation.  I suggest to always write them down, as random as they might be.  

Shortly after reading "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron back in the mid-90's, I began a regular period of journaling.  I followed her advice and forced myself to write almost every day for several years.  I generally have a love/hate relationship with writing.  It has served me well professionally on a few occasions and I can enjoy it, but I am easily tempted to judge it and/or turn off the flow at any given point.  It's been somewhat of a struggle to even maintain this blog, which I don't promote at all.  This has been more of an outlet for me at least to this point.  I used to have a more extensive blog on another site that I maintained for years, which was a mix of comedic musings, observational humor and computer tips.  I started this blog about a year after entering into virtual reality, and initially was going to write about that, but the VR experiences were so profound, so endlessly joyful and time consuming that I thought I'd rather experience things than write about them, so this blog turned into sort of a non-frequent consciousness diary more than anything else.

Recently I meditating in the evening, room darkened, the last fleeting image that I had was of a vast expanse of green trees in a hilly landscape.  During the mediation, a word keep appearing in my mind, Coquica.  Then, as I was coming out of the meditation, another word, "Esayi" was repeated even more than Coquica.  I had a notebook nearby, and wrote both words down for searching online at a later time.  I don't particularly get words like those very often.  My prior "Mihika" experience being the only other time in the past year or so than word messages came through such as this.  I was fascinated to find that Cocquica is a small village in what is now Mozambique, on the southeastern portion of the African continent.  To my further dismay, the word Esayi, which is also a first and last name in the middle east (Armenian and Persian cultures), means Amen... May it come to pass... in the language of a native tribe with roots located in that area, the Maasai.

I also found a link to a page online saying that Esayi meant "first generation" in Sanskrit, yet I have misplaced that link and subsequent checks of various online Sanskrit dictionaries do not show the word appearing as such.  I'd love to find that link again though.  Does it mean anything?  Who knows.  It could be anything.  I do have to wonder though, in a larger sense... do I have ties to that region of the world from a past incarnation?  It's funny, but fifteen years ago I wouldn't have even entertained such a thought, but from a more expansive place, sitting in stillness and listening, it's interesting what emerges from the void of stillness, which is one of the reasons that I try and write it down anyway.