I've felt compelled to write more over the past several weeks than probably any time over the past few years. Consequently, my posts are getting longer and are becoming more in-depth. Maybe it's because I don't have much else going on with my career right now or perhaps it's because I need to be able to view and contemplate what I've written for my own edification. Regardless of the reason, it is in fact a good time for reflection and review of what has happened to me over the past year or so. I have a real love / hate relationship with my writing, and like most of the other creative pursuits I've been involved in over the years, it either flows or it doesn't. I'm very all-in or all-out in that kind of way, especially creatively. But after years of editing myself, destroying a lot of of journals and paintings, I've just learned to release the impulse of judgment. Things just are what they are. If you create any type of expression, essentially you shouldn't judge it. Once you do that, you're dead. Creativity just flows. Judgments cut off the flow. I have one of my great acting teachers of the past to thank for that one.
Recently, I was reorganizing a lot of things in my apartment, including files on my computers, and I came across some more notes that I took during my time of Cosmic Initiation, which ran from November of 2009 well into January 2010, punctuated with several different types of experience during that span of time. It went from what I felt was a surreal first four weeks, which included reading several books, among them Bruce Lipton's "The Biology of Belief
", to my introduction to Paramahansa Yogananda's Lake Shrine to doing Debbie Ford's Shadow Work to reading Drunvalo Melchizedek's "Living in the Heart
" and beginning the heart-centered meditation method contained therein, to pretty much going down the rabbit hole by the third week in December, which lasted well into January of last year. New areas of perception and experience opened up to me that seemed to gather momentum as time went on. When things like this occur in one's life, it's important to try and write everything down that you can. Note taking, especially for the creative person, is key, and I have notebooks all over the place with ramblings here and there. Ideas come and go from the ether all the time, and if you're not disciplined enough to write them down, many times they'll disappear for the most part, even if you've trained yourself to remember them later.
I started to become aware of the real value of keeping notes and journals during the mid 90s when I got into meditation, thanks in part to Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way
", which I read during that time. I have been pleased to see similar thoughts echoed by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld in the years since. It's part of my mosaic now, the fact that creative ideas of all stripes come to us from the collective unconscious and from other dimensions. A lot of people have written about the subject. Ideas flow in, and we, much like radio receivers, pick them up and choose to run with them or not. This is often why you see the same ideas popping up in different parts of the world around the same time, or if you're lucky (or perhaps not), you'll see someone else bring a creative idea to life that you had actually written down at some point in the past. That can be tough. It's a sense of, "Oh, man. I had that idea last year." Even with all of my note taking from time to time, I'm extremely poorly organized in terms of solid note management. I used to be fairly adept at keeping different notebooks for different ideas - one for sketch comedy, one for performance art ideas, one for original songs, one for meditation, etc., but as I've gotten older, it's all gotten rather mixed up. These days I grab the nearest notebook and just jot down whatever the thought might be, and I still don't do it often enough. Many times I'll go through a book a rip out certain pages and try to group them with other pages and it all becomes a fragmented mess.
As my recent series of event strings, what I call guided information sourcing, has continued over the past couple of months, I've begun to think a lot about the Cosmic Initiation last year, and the huge amount of information that flooded into my world. I went back and looked at some of the posts, reread them and tweaked some syntax here and there, and I realized how filtered some of the late 2009 posts appear to me now. There was a reason. Along with the chaotic handwritten notes, I also typed up things in Notepad on various documents, trying desperately to tone down the emotions that I was feeling (just the facts, please), so that when I chose to post something, I could squarely present the information so as not look like a raving lunatic. For some reason, it felt right at the time, and I'll attempt to explain why as I go along. That time in my life was unlike any other, and there was a lot of information coming to me, so much so that I couldn't even be bothered with trying to write some of it down, let alone explain it, but after the recent reorganizing and also discovering a stack of pieces of paper that I scribbled on during that time, I started to see how this recent event string of the past couple of months has converged with several key points within last year's bundle of information, and certain contexts have now emerged, at least for me.
In the post below from Drunvalo Melchizedek concerning his latest video, "2012. Prophecies from the Heart," he talks about coming earth changes and Mother Earth protecting those who are in tune with higher vibrations by actually changing the reality around them. That is a rather powerful assertion. Could it be true? In the post about Dolores Cannon where she talks about DNA Activation, she mentions the same thing. She takes it a step further and says that the earth will actually "split" into two earths, a higher and a lower earth, each existing in a different dimension. The old earth will stay in three dimensions and the new earth will be vibrating in what I assume will be the fourth or fifth dimension, actually existing within a higher vibration. Just how this could be possible I can't begin to explain, however, if all of Maya is in fact illusion, based upon the action of the observer viewing reality, as has been revealed in recent discoveries in the world of quantum physics, and as explored in films like "What the Bleep
", I suppose anything is possible.
What I find compelling here is that this reflects almost precisely what I felt during the three or so weeks during the very intense part of my cosmic initiation period, which started around December 21 of 2009. I mentioned it in the "Recap" post, where I distinctly felt as though I had vibrated into a higher dimension, because every way in which I was accustomed to experiencing the world had changed, and those with whom I had contact during that time, friends and strangers alike, could see and/or feel it. It was that intense. My eyes appeared different during this time to those who knew me as well. Many commented on that when they saw me. And even though I'm a rather gentle person, a wave of gentleness and peace surrounded me that I had not known before. Calmness. Peace. Literally no worries. And within was a fountain of childlike wonder and amusement that constantly bubbled up in the most playful of ways. Smiles were effortless and for much of each day, a feeling of butterflies in my stomach gave me an anticipation for each moment just as it unfolded. It was a beautiful place to be.
Up until that point, I hadn't really ever considered the earth splitting and vibrating into two earths in two different dimensions, or vibrational frequencies. I pondered that very question for several days during this time. I had to, because I was trying to find some kind of point of reference for how my view of reality had changed and why. I remember having NPR radio on at one point during that time, and they were playing an excerpt of Obama speaking about something. I immediately thought, "So how would this work? If the world has split and I'm in some sort of higher vibrational earth and Obama is speaking, am I listening to his higher self speak?" It was confusing, yet something had changed. Was it only me? My left brain was trying to find context in order to rationalize my new perspectives. Like a clutch trying to find a gear, it just seemed to keep slipping here and there. It kept presenting basic computational "If / Then" scenarios. At times I began to tire of this, and a distinct awareness of the struggle of duality, of the battle between the left and right brains rose within my being, and I started to recall many of the teachings that I had learned years earlier in Kabbalah studies.
I remember heading out early one morning considering this vibrational split question and thinking, "If this has occurred, then it should be relatively obvious to observe. People should appear to be kinder, there should virtually no violence, and a sense of kinship, unity and love should be everywhere." But things didn't add up that way. I kept considering it over and over for about two days, because my reality had certainly changed, but it didn't appear to be something that had pervaded human society. As a result, I turned the question inward, focusing on the pulsation that was being constantly generated on my back and directing questions like, "What is it that I am experiencing here exactly?" Context was often hard to find. Was I thinking too much? It has only been with hindsight and additional guided information sourcing that I've been able to piece together some kind of overall picture that I can add to my mosaic, my reality tunnel. Had something happened to my DNA whereby I was able to become "switched on" somehow to perceptions of the world at a higher frequency? I was questioning that very possibility as various teachings from the past simmered within me.
For the past several years, I have been listening to the Solfeggio Frequencies, channeled DNA activation music and doing various meditations on the subject. I encourage anyone who is interested in the DNA activation phenomenon to do a web search, as there is a growing amount of information available on the web now and there are many different video uploads on YouTube containing each of the frequencies separately. I would also recommend searching binaural beats. Like many other pieces of information, my personal awareness about DNA activation came into existence from the ether in late 2007 during meditation, where I clearly saw virtually the same image that you see below, of the spiraling spheres. Literally within about twenty minutes after coming out of that meditation, I began searching on the web and came across the image below, representative of a set of four channeled DNA activation cds, which, despite not really having the money for them at the time, I purchased immediately. It was one of the most rewarding meditations I'd ever had up until that point, and the measure of coincidence was just too high for me to ignore, so I went with the flow. During the mid 90s there was a period of several years where I listened to brainwave cds during the time that I slept, Alpha, Beta, Delta and Theta waves. Ever the seeker, and especially after receiving this spot-on image in mediation - and shortly thereafter finding it on the web - I felt that this was something I felt I had to explore.
The more I think about this, the more I wonder if, during all that had happened during the three month (total) initiation odyssey - the shadow work, the compass of the heart, the atonement, the oracle, the breath-work purge resulting in my black tongue, the lifted gaze, the pulsation in my back, the glowing white inside of my closed eyelids and all of the information bombardment - is that perhaps this experience of altered perceptions was an introduction of something that is still to come, as if the universe had let me "play in the field" to get a sense of what this would be like. It's an exciting possibly for me to consider, especially now, when I don't really have much if anything to look forward to in my life anymore. I'm currently much like a ship adrift in the middle of a calm sea with visible, growing storm clouds on the horizon, waiting for the wind to pick up so that I can set sail for distant shores. My life seems to have grinded to a halt in many ways, and as a result, I'm forced to continually search within, meditate and go with the flow of any information that comes my way. At times this is really frustrating. For most of my adult life, I have been extremely busy, often working as many as four jobs at once, and most of them with joy because I had been creating and sharing art. I feel that if spirit guides or Source energy is directing me, that it should just reveal itself after all this time, come through the walls, have a seat and let's talk. I want to understand. I want to chart a direction. I want to make a plan.
Some days I get frustrated and kind of angry. Why can't things just move along here? I also get so restless that while I'm reading about stuff on the web, I'll visit some of the darker sites out there, the ones that feed on conspiracy theories, just to see if anything alarming or stimulating has been posted, and if so, I'll try to find similar info posted from trusted news sources to get to the heart of what is often rumor that has been blown up into viral memes. It's like a part of me knows and/or is waiting for the current systems of the world to fail, and it can't come fast enough. I guess it's similar to that rubber-neck syndrome we all have where we're drawn to look at a car accident. I know it's not healthy, and I don't spend that much time looking at those sites because it can lower my vibration. That's one of the reasons that I keep that kind of content off of this blog. There's plenty of it out there, and I'd rather not be an aggregator of shock content. That job is already being done, and the lower vibrational path is too easy to follow, leading to all kinds of conjecture, strange thought tangents and unhealthy emotions. I now understand that it's just a part of the duality of the left brain / right brain way in which we perceive the world. "I'm trying to remember something, perhaps many things," I tell myself. I have to stay that course. This is about remembering something that has to do with my true nature. The search for understanding is expansive and involves learning, not something that boxes me in and forces my perceptions to shrink or contract.
I was thinking about this earlier today when I was out on my morning power walk. My neighborhood isn't so desirable, but just to the south of me are some tremendous mansions that are punctuated by some incredible tropical landscaping. I thank the universe every morning that I'm able to walk through such beauty and it makes me homesick for my virtual land business, in which I used to create the same kinds of environments. I'll take it, though. It's a privilege to be able to behold beauty like that on a daily basis and I'm thankful that I live in a part of the country where I'm able to do that. So why can't things just move along? And by things I mean any type of ascension or consciousness expansion. I had such a strong dose of it during the initiation time that it's the only place I want to be now. I was comforted by the words of Adyashanti in one of his YouTube videos where he talks about awakening, saying that it's not, or hasn't been up until this point, a constant state of awareness for many who have awakened. It ebbs and flows. He mentioned though that once one does taste that bliss, it's all you want. This is so true. As I've stated previously, the magic of the universe is as playful as a kitten when it unfolds around you. It's like a walking orgasm and it makes much of our modern world and its systems seem like pure futility.
In the notes that I had recently come across, I was startled by one of the earliest things that I had written down during the initiation. It was about love, which is what this feeling was that vibrated through me and pulsed physically from a point in my back across my entire being...
I loved the Isaac Hayes reference. For me, the essence of this message was about joy and living in the present moment, the Now. I had never thought of the "Hot Buttered Soul" album in such a context before. I was lucky to have met Isaac during the 90s, and have always been a fan of his stuff from the 70s. As I also mentioned in some detail in the Recap post, I was led to listen to quite a few songs during this time, old and new, many of which I'd heard probably a hundred times in the past, but upon listening under this universal influence of love energy, the songs took on whole new meanings for me. In addition to the George Harrison and Brian Wilson tracks that I mentioned in that post, ELO's "Mr. Blue Sky" was one another one, as was Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round In Circles," all of which took on brand new meanings for me as I heard the words and experienced the songs in a whole new way. It was as if as this door to a different perception opened up, the universe came right up to me, face to face, and began to communicate with me through something with which I was very familiar - music.
"I've got a song that ain't got no melody.... I've got a dance that ain't got no steps... gonna let the music move me around," from Billy Preston in "Circles". I felt like the universe was showing me how to experience this state of mind. Chills are flowing all over me as I write this and listen to "Circles" for the first time since January of last year. I remember thinking, "Holy Shit! - the universe - Source - this energy - this is the coolest presence I've ever felt in my life - like the coolest person I've ever known," - but it was way beyond that. "Of course!" came into my mind as this occurred during the beginning of the three-week heavy time, "It's the wisdom that made you. What else would you expect?" That's how cool this felt. It made so much sense, was so familiar, like I'd forgotten about the best surprise anyone could ever get in one's lifetime, and my old perceptions of the world tumbled into the background like a bundle of dirty rags.
Little did I know at that time just how wonderfully bizarre things were going to get as I continued to ride with that vibe and go down the rabbit hole. At times it felt similar to those scenes in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" where they're learning a new language in front of a large spaceship. One thing that I should mention that I also noticed immediately, as this experience of perception expanded, all fear - and I mean all fear - disappeared from me. At times I felt invincible. That's how powerful this was. It didn't matter what happened. I remembered how as a very young child that's how myself and my friends would often feel. At one point I was reminded of the bible scripture that says that one must be like a child in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and how in the (Gnostic) Gospel of Thomas (unlike many of the other books of the bible and consequently not included in most modern bibles), Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven is within. Of course, this resonated with the many different types of teachings I had received over the years, but the fact that it gave me additional context from a biblical perspective amused me, since I had abandoned that type of belief system long ago and now see it, along with many of the modern translations of holy books as metaphor, rather than literal history.
It didn't stop there. I began to see for the first time just how deeply we are boxed into our compartmentalized versions of reality. So much so that it's virtually impossible to see the universe for what it is - one universe within a multiverse of All That Is, Hermetically
speaking. That's how messed up this planet is right now. This is not how it's supposed to be. What we see with our physical eyes and experience in the physical world is only one type of singular mentality, one small group of frequencies on a virtually endless spectrum. We have closed ourselves off to such a degree that many may never become aware of this while on the physical plane. I realized during this time that the universe speaks to everyone, to everything, in a unique way that appeals to the individual being that's just for them. I was reminded of Morpheus in "The Matrix" telling Neo, "Whatever she said [the Oracle] was just for you." I also got a sense that the universe is constantly, relentlessly speaking to all of us through art and creative works, if we are aware enough to pick up the vibrations. But it doesn't stop at art, that's just one channel. It's all around us, all of the time, waiting for us to notice its magic and calling us to come and play. "I'm too busy, I'm too worried, I've got to do this and that," is what we often say to ourselves to squelch what could be potentially revealing moments of wonder. This is where the importance of living in the Now takes on a whole new meaning, and why there are many awakened ones, such as Eckhart Tolle
and the many enlightened yogis around the world who are alive in physical form at present, to teach us this way of being.
"Don't think - Do!" came into my mind every time I questioned an impulse that entered my energy field. As I stated in the Recap post, even though this went on for weeks, I still often questioned it, and that was the response that came time and time again. "Get in your car and drive." Really? "Don't think - Do," and hours later a wonderful series of events would have transpired. I had never lived like that before. Often these commands would come, as I've stated in the Recap post, like an old Rastafarian friend was hovering over me in another dimension, laughingly trying to jolt me into remembering more and more about the essence of who I am in order to elevate my consciousness. "People hurt - Help. Seen?" was what came to me when I'd see people in need. "Like Matrix - Just like Matrix. Seen?" about how this awareness was unfolding. "Ism - Schism. Seen?" about all of the dogmatic divisions around the world. Many times I would just burst out laughing, like I was at a party wherever I went with very animated unseen friends whom I loved dearly that were dropping some serious science on me. It tickled me to my core. "This is the coolest thing ever," I thought, "I never want to return to my old perceptions of this world. This is just too damn cool." If you can capture for a second what like must have been like, you'll get a peak into the real magic of the universe.
The music portion of the program continued through the initiation period. Virtually every song I listened to, including newer songs that I was directed to at the time from Broken Bells, Quadron, FC Kahuna's "Hayling", Viex Farka Tourè's "Fafa" and many others opened up vistas in my perception, as if they were charged with this energy, each containing windows of fascination in them, having been brought into the physical realm at just this time, ready to speak to people on subtle levels within their consciousness. "Hayling" effected me so profoundly that it became part of how I would respond to people. When friends would ask me, "How are you doing?" a warm smile would spread across my face and I would inevitably respond, "I'm just glad to be here." The funny thing was that every time I said that, smiles would be returned to me as soon as I spoke those words, often followed by someone stroking my shoulder or giving me a hug.
For the sake of some context here, you should understand that I spent over twenty years in the music industry, during which time I have listened to literally tens of thousands of songs from all over the world, spanning all periods of time since the advent of recorded music. During my time as a nightclub and rave deejay, I played music for people, mostly brand new at its time, to over 1.5 million people over the course of about fifteen years. I lived for that experience and more importantly, being able to share it with others. The rhythms, the tribal nature of it all, touched me so deeply that for many years it was all that I wanted to do - search out, find and share new sounds. This, however, was a whole new level. The universe was showing me how it has embedded its positive vibrations everywhere, like magical little prizes that can open us up to higher vibrations if we are in tune to receive the information.
I could actually began to percieve the hand of the universe emerging in art and speaking to me, even if it was the furthest thing from the artist's mind while creating the work. Within that realization, a sense of awareness of sacred beauty began to reveal itself around me. Usually one has to enter into some serious journey work via psychedelics to come even close to that type of expanded perception of music using some pharmaceutical grade MDA and ghanja. Not these feelings, and they were even more intense, and I did a lot of journey work in my younger years. I was experiencing the Now on a whole other level, even after a couple of years since first reading one of Eckhart Tolle
's books and noticing changes in my perception during that time that brought about an awareness of the Now. This was bigger, more expansive and seemingly endless, and these energies appeared to delight in me experiencing them as much as I did feeling my perceptions change. The Now IS the universe, in all of its glory, unfolding all around us every second of every day. "If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it," as Ferris would say.
Doing without thinking was the key. As Paramahamsa Nithyanada states in the video included in my "Enlightened View of 2012" post that I came across nearly a year after these profound experiences, this is what it's all about. It's about a way of Being. Connect to this energy and you've found bliss and wonder almost beyond measure. But it hasn't been easy for me to return to that state. As I said earlier, this experience for me seemed to be a "taste" of what was to come. As far as I'm concerned, if that's truly the case, it can't come fast enough. Six months after the initiation experience, I found myself in the midst of health and worsening financial problems. It even became hard at times for me to meditate during many of the months of 2010 as I continued to get caught up in survival. During the past few months and particularly weeks as I've continued to reflect on that time, another component that I referenced early in this post also came back to me that I don't think I mentioned in the Recap and I wanted to address here. It's vitally important. One has to be a Supreme Ninja in terms of managing the duality of perception. By that I mean you must train yourself to diffuse your ego, which is no easy task. It can take a lifetime. For some it never happens despite massive amounts of effort. This is one of the reasons Buddhist monks spend time in isolation away from much of society.
The human ego is the ultimate enemy. The world you see around you right now is the result of the human ego. Virtually every problem, every imbalance, every injustice, every war, can all be traced back to the ego. The ego operates in the left brain, the rational mind, whereas the right brain is the source of creativity, intuition, emotion and it's our connection to our subconscious and other dimensions. Unless one has begun to train oneself in the art of war with the ego, it can often be extremely difficult to move into right brain perception and continually experience the Now. Artists operate from the right brain. Politicians, bankers, etc. from the left brain. A healthy person incorporates both into daily activity, but the ego is the ultimate adversary. Of course you need your left brain to make rational decisions, but the trick is to relegate it to do only that, and not incorporate the defense of the "I" - your worldly sense of the physical "You" as a physical being. This is what the Rastafarians refer to when saying "I and I," meaning I am in control of that balance and see it for what it is... everything is in its proper place within me. When I was studying at the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles over the course of 2004, one of the instructors I had was well versed in this type of warfare, and helped give me the tools to recognize the enemy, its craft and its relentless assault on the mind. In Kabbalah, the ego is the Satan force (pronounced, Sah-tahn). It is with you at virtually every turn. Like the best classic Kung Fu or martial arts films, just when you think you vanquished it, it appears again, often disguising itself, stalking you like a master tactician.
It never stops. It is your perception of your "I", your concept of yourself, your story and the sum-total of your experiences. It will fight your right brain to the death to defend its "Self", what you consider "You", which is an illusion, because we, all living and non-living things, are really one. This is the struggle of duality and the opposite of the unity consciousness. This is also where the old school religions tricks the masses. They teach that the "Sah-tahn" force is actually personified as someone called Satan, who is a red, cloven-hoofed entity with horns and a pitchfork that lives somewhere deep in the earth or up in the sky and is ready to "get you" if you're not careful. As I have said in previous posts, any type of dogma that tells you to look outside of yourself like that, is a trick to distract you from the truth and a construction of limited, left brain thinking. Such distractions make you miss the point and are designed to make you think that your problems and challenges in understanding the nature of your being lie somewhere outside of yourself, in shadows, around corners and in other people. In Kabbalah, to sin is "to miss... to miss the point." This is part of what I mean when I say that many of the great and powerful religions of this world are either upside down or backward, becoming sin itself by making people miss this point of their own existence.
As my initiation period continued, this became apparent to me in ways that I hadn't previously realized. I was fortunate enough to have developed certain tools during my time at the Kabbalah Centre and had practiced enough to the point where I could recognize the ego with mindfulness. As I proceeded down the road of initiation, especially before the Atonement period, I was shown this on a whole other level. The movements in Martial Arts, just like many other things, reflect the interactions of sacred geometries. I was shown that one had to be a ninja with the ego, maintaining guard over one's mind 24/7, and attacking any single thought that doesn't serve this new-found state of being as soon as it enters one's sphere of consciousness. This went on for days and nights, and I eventually started to take great pleasure in it.
I would not allow any negativity, even the increasing weight of having to pay bills, rent, whatever it was that would send me into the left brain thinking of "But I've got to do this." My visualizations became full-on immense. Out would come the blade and I would kill the thoughts that represented negativity as quickly as they came. As time went on, I learned to elevate this type of mental exercise so that it could serve as a foundation for a higher type of "spiritual" warfare, the key component of which is not suppressing the negative thoughts. This is key, because certain lower frequency emotions associated with some kinds of thoughts actually serve the individual. Fear and anger can be useful, and suppression without acknowledgment only leads to more confusion within one's subconscious mind and can backfire at any moment. I developed a new way of allowing the thoughts to come, not judging them or pushing them away, but allowing them to come and then, after acknowledging and even thanking them, I would dissolve and/or let them pass through my sphere without serious focus or attention. "Got it. Thanks." My Kabbalah training from previous years ended up serving me well during that time.
The ego is virtually impossible to stop, although many of the great yogis have gotten to the point where they have excelled at this type of mental and/or spiritual warfare for so long that the ego is not a factor for them anymore. That is why they are the great yogis. As my initiation continued, I developed a method for dealing with the ego that ended up being quite effective with practice. I was reminded of something that Paramahansa Yogananda said, words to this effect: "Your divine being [essence] is your kingdom. This is where the spirit reigns and you are one with the Creator. Within your kingdom is a castle on a hill. This is where your essence resides. It is peaceful and blissful all of the time. Around the perimeter, the enemy [negative thought] is constantly at the gates, ready to storm the kingdom and your castle. Within your castle resides your endless fountain of happiness [your heart], which is your constant connection with the Creator. Any time that you allow negative thoughts or state of mind to enter the kingdom and you become unhappy, you are allowing the enemy into your kingdom by dropping your guard."
At first I was the ninja. After days of constantly using this practice, I started to visualize myself sitting on a chair in the center of a large ring that was filled with sand. Me sitting on the chair in the center of the ring became my castle, the ring my kingdom, and instead of being the ninja, I became the king on the throne, and I would visualize sending a ninja or two out to run around the edge of the ring to guard the perimeter of my mind. As negative thoughts would come, the ninjas acted like sentries alerting me to activity at the gate. This of course took place in milliseconds. I wouldn't push the thoughts away, but allow them to enter without judgment, thanking negative emotions for alerting me to their left brain concerns, and then I would direct a ninja to slay them outright, wherein they would dissolve into nothingness. This way I didn't suppress any emotions and I stayed in balance. They were recognized for what they were, thanked for the reminder or concern, and dissolved before they could replicate into a system or circle of thoughts that would lower my vibration, which is their nature. During this time I was reminded of how Dr. Wayne Dyer had talked about this very type of interaction during the mid-90s, and I had failed to fully grasp what this practice entailed on a daily basis. Wayne was one of my first influential "gurus", for lack of a better word, and helped to set me on the course that I find myself pursuing today.
And just like a king listening to a worrisome subject come to him with concerns that didn't need to be dwelt upon or protracted with a nasty entanglement of potential hyperbole and the useless expenditure of emotion, I began to build up a resistance to what used to be a nearly constant attack of negative thoughts that were waiting to germinate into full-blown states of mind that didn't serve me. I was reminded of the Buddhist concept of "effortless effort," which is what this process eventually became. The longer I did this, the more comparisons to Neo learning how to battle in "The Matrix" came into my mind. What a prophetic movie. I'm so glad that it was made, and I am thankful for the brilliance of the Wachowski brothers in making that story a reality. It was a film for its time, a reflection of the human condition on the planet right now, and each of us is Neo. "Neo" meaning new, and representative of a new form of conscious awareness. This type of warfare, which comes about through the cultivation of mindfulness, needs to be done constantly in order to keep your vibration from becoming heavy and sinking into the lower frequencies, wherein depression and all sorts of negativity resides.
It takes constant practice, but with focus and determination one can learn to do battle with the ego. In Kabbalah they used to joke that ego stood for "Everybody's Got One" in English. The ego is as I said earlier, your sense of "I" and the greatest adversary any of us will ever face. If you start to monitor yourself with diligent mindfulness, which can be another daunting task to many at first, the ego is easily recognized as the part of you that says things like, "How dare you!" - "I'm offended!" - "But I deserve this or that!" and "Nobody's going to do that to me!" Of course, anger itself it can be useful at times, however, left unmonitored without any effort to recognize it for what it is can lead to great atrocities, as we see every day as presented within the mainstream media. But the ego is also much more subtle and devious. It's present even when you think it's not. Its cleverness and cunning is unmatched. It is the great seducer. Even with practice, the ego will emerge as a sense of, "Wow, I've got this ego thing under control. Look at that. Good job." That's how powerful it is. After all, as I stated in a previous post, the ego itself is actually what drives us toward awakening and enlightenment. That is the great irony of the ego. But the ego can only take us so far, like a sherpa traveling up a great mountain, however, it cannot enter the heart space, or the potential mountain peak of our existence. It can only get us do the door, the entrance.
This is what Jesus spoke about in the parable where he said that "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." The churches today twist this to mean that if you're wealthy, you won't go on to a blissful place after you die. They do this for a reason, to breed and maintain subtle divisions and contempt for others based on social status, just like governments, banks, corporations and the mainstream media. Doing so maintains thought constructs, memes and methods of mind control. Jesus was actually making reference to the egoic concerns that naturally often accompany great material wealth and accomplishment. Therein often lies the sense of "I am great. Look what I've done. I am so-and-so," which is part of a person's personal story. When one achieves what can be considered earthly greatness, it can become harder to distance oneself from the "I" that he or she has created. It's a matter of cause and effect and a cautionary tale within the context of the parable. The doorway into the heart space is the eye of the needle, meaning that you can't take anything else into that space. It's just the divine essence of your being in direct communication with Creator or Source, in the Now, just being... without thought, only action within the present moment. Such is also the context for Ram Daas' book, "Be Here Now
" and the work of many others within the field of consciousness expansion.
As Drunvalo and others have talked about, this place within the heart is the scared place from which we can create anything, yet it is a very difficult thing to master, having to contend with the nature of duality, as we are taught and conditioned to only create from our minds. Unknowingly, many of us create from the mind with duality, often creating the exact opposite of what we had intended, as Drunvalo has pointed out in the 2012 Prophecies video. The more you train yourself to recognize it and the thought forms that it brings to your mind, which then become systems of thoughts or thought strings, you can begin to act as a ninja and in a way, slay negative thoughts after acknowledgments without suppression so that they don't hold any emotional weight. That's the trick. Part of what the word enlightenment means is in fact to become lighter. We achieve that state by not becoming bogged down in thoughts and emotions of a lower frequency, which have weight, or greater density to them.
Every thought form is an energy system with an intelligence, and we are vibratory beings. This is one of the reasons that music is the "universal language," why music can "tame the savage beast" and has such a profound effect on us as humans, because we are vibrating energy systems that pulsate at different frequencies. Different people, different music, different belief systems, all vibrate at different frequencies. The lower frequencies are more dense, weighty and are what we experience as negative. Interestingly enough, and something that the Oracle of the "Matrix" movie might say, "Here's something that's going to really bake your noodle later on," it is noted within The Kybalion - that according to ancient Hermetic Law, from the perspective of Source or All That Is, all extremes - such as love compared to hate - are essentially the same thing, they just vary in degree along a spectrum, and from the Creator's perspective, without judgment, are just simply "what is." Our chakra system resides along a spectrum itself, just as the planets and all things do. Each reflecting the model of the Tree of Life. We choose, via the thoughts we maintain, to inhabit the vibratory fields in which we live, consciously or not. There is essentially no good or no bad, yet each vibrational level has its own awareness, experience and principles of cause and effect. We have freedom of choice, and for us, for our energy spark from Creator that is our essence, it is better for us to choose the higher vibrations, in which reside peace, joy and love.
The world today teaches us to divide, to engage in duality and division and view the world that way. Often we do this without even knowing it. It is what we have been taught, "That is bad, this is good." The Buddhists say, "There is no good day and there is no bad day, there just is what is." The ego wants to trick you into investing emotional energy in defending itself, your false sense of "I". The "I" can be seen as the collective construct of the world as we know it, from the poor to the wealthy to the powerful to the group to the nation, it's all about the "I". When you begin to see this and train yourself with mindfulness, the nature of the matrix in which we currently find ourselves, the Net of Maya, the plane of suffering, begins to crack and crumble in places and you become aware of something distinctly greater.
Before I end this post, here are a couple of other bits of observation and impression that were part of the initiation are worth mentioning. During the eighth or ninth week into the larger period, during the intense time which included my Atonement, across the street from my building, sitting on the sidewalk for several hours each morning were a group of people that looked to be from the Andes Mountains in Chile. Some mornings there were two or three, and other mornings four or five. They were dressed in the traditional garments of that culture, highly recognizable because of their colorful garb, with its dark red hues and some of them wore head gear. This lasted for about a week. Every morning they were directly across the street, seeming to just be gazing at my building. I could see them from my window. Sometimes a couple of them would be standing, but most of them sat. As I mentioned in the Recap post after being introduced to the significance of the spiral shape, I had noticed that the building in which I lived is adorned with them. By that time in the initiation period I had become aware of this, and wondered if they were looking at the spirals for some reason. I was very curious as to who they were and why they were here. Across the street from me is a large industrial area, and there is nothing to do there, no shops for blocks in either directions.
To this day I keep wanting to ask the building's owner why he had the building painted like that, adorned in spirals, but I don't see him very often. Still, at some point, I am going to ask him about that choice. Personally, upon discovering them during the initiation period and being amazed that I had never noticed them in the four months prior since arriving here, I felt that it meant protection of some kind. The fact that those Chileans were there for that extended time and I have not seen them since has always left me with some questions. As with every move that I made during that time, I filtered the observation of this group through the pulsation in my back that seemed to be connecting me to higher vibrations. Was I to talk to them? The pulsation never indicated that I should have, and I had become accustomed, albeit with questioning, to surrender to its direction and follow the "dont think - do" direction that it was giving me. So I was never directed to go across the street and talk to them. Had I been, I would have gone over on any of those mornings, sat with them and found out just who they were. I left my building every single day during that time, and would just look at them with a smile as I went to my car. They didn't seem particularly interested in me, so I would just go on my way. Nobody has been there of that description since that time.
And another of the final bits I would like to include here has to do with incarnation, or reincarnation to be precise. This is something that although I had considered it for years during the 90s while studying Buddhism, I resisted in principle because at that time I still had parts of the old, forced or inherited belief system that had not crumbled. Coming around to accept reincarnation took me the better portion of my life. It was a testament to just how rigid and confining my inherited / forced belief system was. As with any element that is a part of one's spiritual journey, just like the things you might read on this blog, you must push to the side any information that doesn't resonate with you. I do this rather consistently. Over time, if part of your self discovery includes coming to terms with something that you had pushed aside in the past, the universe will eventually present the information in a context through which you can have an Aha moment and the information will blossom within you at the proper time. This has been true for me on so many levels, including during my first trip to Mexico in the early 90s when I purchased various trinkets, one of which turned out to be a beautiful, colorful Mayan Calendar on a stand that I had in my possession, usually perched somewhere in my living room, and for years, I didn't know what it was. I knew it was a calendar of some kind, but its significance escaped me for many years. That's how the universe works sometimes.
For me, acceptance or really remembrance of reincarnation came through years of observing nature, its cycles, and putting those observations into the context of some of what I had read and learned along the way. Now it makes perfect sense to me. One of the singular most profound revelations of the initiation period for me came during the intense period after Atonement. I received from Source energy the impression that I would eventually reincarnate... as a star. If you had told me that twenty years ago, I'd have laughed at you. This, I was told, was my part of my cosmic destiny, and I got a sense of the other stars that were to be near me in a galactic sense, along with what I'll say were planets but I'm not totally sure. They were souls that I know or have known. There were eleven others in my immediate system. Yep, a star. Go figure. I was also shown that I had a twin. It wasn't completely clear to me though as to whether I had known this twin in this physical incarnation. I got the impression that I had not known the twin, but I'm not completely sure. I thought of the "Twin Flame" that people have spoken about and the shadow work that I had done and wondered if that was a part of the twin thing. As far as a reincarnation was concerned, least at this point in my journey and particularly after this trippy journey into the woo-woo, I believe that everything in the universe does have a soul, so anything's possible, as strange as it might sound to those reading this. I have since read in a few areas that this is entirely possible during the course of our soul's evolution, which has given me further context into that long, strange odyssey of late 2009 - early 2010.
Finally, as I look over what I've written in this massive post, I realize that there are still some things that I have not included from the Initiation time, and why the Recap post, as lengthy as that was, only seemed to scratch the surface in terms of the overall Cosmic Initiation period. There's no hyperbole in any of these posts. I've been careful not to get carried away and have just focused what I happened to experience. There is one element to the experience that I do feel that I need to include, which started around the time of my first visit to the Lake Shrine (a subsequent and even more interesting visit was covered in my "Do You See Me?" post) in early last year. It's about breath. As the odyssey began in November of 2009, I had returned to focusing on my breathing, which helps one to connect to Source energy, because it is the way in which we are actively connected to same. By mid December as my perceptions expanded, a new awareness also came about with my breathing. I felt nearly constantly that everywhere I went, as I breathed and I felt the ever-present vibrating pulsation on my back, that I was acting as some sort of conduit, a transmitter and a speaker of sorts... drawing in cosmic energy and then sending it out through my breath wherever I went. Great peace accompanied this feeling and an ease of focus developed quite naturally very quickly. I've felt that I had to get that down here in writing, as it was signatory of the overall connection that I was feeling.
One year after that fantastic series of experiences, I still struggle to maintain mindfulness and keep my vibration elevated. It's tough, and anyone who has ever tried to maintain a high vibration knows this. That's how powerful this egoic construct is. It's much easier to zone out, get caught up the the worldly affairs of the day, take prescribed drugs and fall into the abyss of television and other forms of escape, yet that road eventually leads only to emptiness and a lack of fulfillment. My great hope is that as we enter the Universal Cycle of the Mayan Calendar in the coming weeks, one of the things that will manifest within this cycle is an ease with which we can all stay connected to higher vibrations. It is what has been spoken about and predicted by the ancient masters, and I am very much looking forward to the yoke of left brain bondage begin to lift. Will the matrix begin to crumble, crack and fall apart? Let's hope so. Life can be so much more that what many of us are able to experience in this current reality. It appears as though many people around the world realize this in one form or another - that something must change - even if they're not consciously aware of vibrational energies, ascension or the cycles of human evolution.
I hope that at least some of what I've recapped and covered here and in the other posts resonates with others out there, otherwise this blog serves no purpose. I've felt led to put as much of what I've been experiencing and learning into words on this tiny little blog, which is only my own individual experience. Just as we are all as uniquely different as snowflakes falling from the sky, each person's awakening experiences are going to be different, designed by the universe to be just for them, and I am trying to make sense of what I observe and feel as I move along through time, holding out hope for the dawn of a new day in the evolution of consciousness.
Recently, I was reorganizing a lot of things in my apartment, including files on my computers, and I came across some more notes that I took during my time of Cosmic Initiation, which ran from November of 2009 well into January 2010, punctuated with several different types of experience during that span of time. It went from what I felt was a surreal first four weeks, which included reading several books, among them Bruce Lipton's "The Biology of Belief
", to my introduction to Paramahansa Yogananda's Lake Shrine to doing Debbie Ford's Shadow Work to reading Drunvalo Melchizedek's "Living in the Heart" and beginning the heart-centered meditation method contained therein, to pretty much going down the rabbit hole by the third week in December, which lasted well into January of last year. New areas of perception and experience opened up to me that seemed to gather momentum as time went on. When things like this occur in one's life, it's important to try and write everything down that you can. Note taking, especially for the creative person, is key, and I have notebooks all over the place with ramblings here and there. Ideas come and go from the ether all the time, and if you're not disciplined enough to write them down, many times they'll disappear for the most part, even if you've trained yourself to remember them later.I started to become aware of the real value of keeping notes and journals during the mid 90s when I got into meditation, thanks in part to Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way
", which I read during that time. I have been pleased to see similar thoughts echoed by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld in the years since. It's part of my mosaic now, the fact that creative ideas of all stripes come to us from the collective unconscious and from other dimensions. A lot of people have written about the subject. Ideas flow in, and we, much like radio receivers, pick them up and choose to run with them or not. This is often why you see the same ideas popping up in different parts of the world around the same time, or if you're lucky (or perhaps not), you'll see someone else bring a creative idea to life that you had actually written down at some point in the past. That can be tough. It's a sense of, "Oh, man. I had that idea last year." Even with all of my note taking from time to time, I'm extremely poorly organized in terms of solid note management. I used to be fairly adept at keeping different notebooks for different ideas - one for sketch comedy, one for performance art ideas, one for original songs, one for meditation, etc., but as I've gotten older, it's all gotten rather mixed up. These days I grab the nearest notebook and just jot down whatever the thought might be, and I still don't do it often enough. Many times I'll go through a book a rip out certain pages and try to group them with other pages and it all becomes a fragmented mess.As my recent series of event strings, what I call guided information sourcing, has continued over the past couple of months, I've begun to think a lot about the Cosmic Initiation last year, and the huge amount of information that flooded into my world. I went back and looked at some of the posts, reread them and tweaked some syntax here and there, and I realized how filtered some of the late 2009 posts appear to me now. There was a reason. Along with the chaotic handwritten notes, I also typed up things in Notepad on various documents, trying desperately to tone down the emotions that I was feeling (just the facts, please), so that when I chose to post something, I could squarely present the information so as not look like a raving lunatic. For some reason, it felt right at the time, and I'll attempt to explain why as I go along. That time in my life was unlike any other, and there was a lot of information coming to me, so much so that I couldn't even be bothered with trying to write some of it down, let alone explain it, but after the recent reorganizing and also discovering a stack of pieces of paper that I scribbled on during that time, I started to see how this recent event string of the past couple of months has converged with several key points within last year's bundle of information, and certain contexts have now emerged, at least for me.
In the post below from Drunvalo Melchizedek concerning his latest video, "2012. Prophecies from the Heart," he talks about coming earth changes and Mother Earth protecting those who are in tune with higher vibrations by actually changing the reality around them. That is a rather powerful assertion. Could it be true? In the post about Dolores Cannon where she talks about DNA Activation, she mentions the same thing. She takes it a step further and says that the earth will actually "split" into two earths, a higher and a lower earth, each existing in a different dimension. The old earth will stay in three dimensions and the new earth will be vibrating in what I assume will be the fourth or fifth dimension, actually existing within a higher vibration. Just how this could be possible I can't begin to explain, however, if all of Maya is in fact illusion, based upon the action of the observer viewing reality, as has been revealed in recent discoveries in the world of quantum physics, and as explored in films like "What the Bleep
", I suppose anything is possible.What I find compelling here is that this reflects almost precisely what I felt during the three or so weeks during the very intense part of my cosmic initiation period, which started around December 21 of 2009. I mentioned it in the "Recap" post, where I distinctly felt as though I had vibrated into a higher dimension, because every way in which I was accustomed to experiencing the world had changed, and those with whom I had contact during that time, friends and strangers alike, could see and/or feel it. It was that intense. My eyes appeared different during this time to those who knew me as well. Many commented on that when they saw me. And even though I'm a rather gentle person, a wave of gentleness and peace surrounded me that I had not known before. Calmness. Peace. Literally no worries. And within was a fountain of childlike wonder and amusement that constantly bubbled up in the most playful of ways. Smiles were effortless and for much of each day, a feeling of butterflies in my stomach gave me an anticipation for each moment just as it unfolded. It was a beautiful place to be.
Up until that point, I hadn't really ever considered the earth splitting and vibrating into two earths in two different dimensions, or vibrational frequencies. I pondered that very question for several days during this time. I had to, because I was trying to find some kind of point of reference for how my view of reality had changed and why. I remember having NPR radio on at one point during that time, and they were playing an excerpt of Obama speaking about something. I immediately thought, "So how would this work? If the world has split and I'm in some sort of higher vibrational earth and Obama is speaking, am I listening to his higher self speak?" It was confusing, yet something had changed. Was it only me? My left brain was trying to find context in order to rationalize my new perspectives. Like a clutch trying to find a gear, it just seemed to keep slipping here and there. It kept presenting basic computational "If / Then" scenarios. At times I began to tire of this, and a distinct awareness of the struggle of duality, of the battle between the left and right brains rose within my being, and I started to recall many of the teachings that I had learned years earlier in Kabbalah studies.
I remember heading out early one morning considering this vibrational split question and thinking, "If this has occurred, then it should be relatively obvious to observe. People should appear to be kinder, there should virtually no violence, and a sense of kinship, unity and love should be everywhere." But things didn't add up that way. I kept considering it over and over for about two days, because my reality had certainly changed, but it didn't appear to be something that had pervaded human society. As a result, I turned the question inward, focusing on the pulsation that was being constantly generated on my back and directing questions like, "What is it that I am experiencing here exactly?" Context was often hard to find. Was I thinking too much? It has only been with hindsight and additional guided information sourcing that I've been able to piece together some kind of overall picture that I can add to my mosaic, my reality tunnel. Had something happened to my DNA whereby I was able to become "switched on" somehow to perceptions of the world at a higher frequency? I was questioning that very possibility as various teachings from the past simmered within me.
For the past several years, I have been listening to the Solfeggio Frequencies, channeled DNA activation music and doing various meditations on the subject. I encourage anyone who is interested in the DNA activation phenomenon to do a web search, as there is a growing amount of information available on the web now and there are many different video uploads on YouTube containing each of the frequencies separately. I would also recommend searching binaural beats. Like many other pieces of information, my personal awareness about DNA activation came into existence from the ether in late 2007 during meditation, where I clearly saw virtually the same image that you see below, of the spiraling spheres. Literally within about twenty minutes after coming out of that meditation, I began searching on the web and came across the image below, representative of a set of four channeled DNA activation cds, which, despite not really having the money for them at the time, I purchased immediately. It was one of the most rewarding meditations I'd ever had up until that point, and the measure of coincidence was just too high for me to ignore, so I went with the flow. During the mid 90s there was a period of several years where I listened to brainwave cds during the time that I slept, Alpha, Beta, Delta and Theta waves. Ever the seeker, and especially after receiving this spot-on image in mediation - and shortly thereafter finding it on the web - I felt that this was something I felt I had to explore.
Some days I get frustrated and kind of angry. Why can't things just move along here? I also get so restless that while I'm reading about stuff on the web, I'll visit some of the darker sites out there, the ones that feed on conspiracy theories, just to see if anything alarming or stimulating has been posted, and if so, I'll try to find similar info posted from trusted news sources to get to the heart of what is often rumor that has been blown up into viral memes. It's like a part of me knows and/or is waiting for the current systems of the world to fail, and it can't come fast enough. I guess it's similar to that rubber-neck syndrome we all have where we're drawn to look at a car accident. I know it's not healthy, and I don't spend that much time looking at those sites because it can lower my vibration. That's one of the reasons that I keep that kind of content off of this blog. There's plenty of it out there, and I'd rather not be an aggregator of shock content. That job is already being done, and the lower vibrational path is too easy to follow, leading to all kinds of conjecture, strange thought tangents and unhealthy emotions. I now understand that it's just a part of the duality of the left brain / right brain way in which we perceive the world. "I'm trying to remember something, perhaps many things," I tell myself. I have to stay that course. This is about remembering something that has to do with my true nature. The search for understanding is expansive and involves learning, not something that boxes me in and forces my perceptions to shrink or contract.
I was thinking about this earlier today when I was out on my morning power walk. My neighborhood isn't so desirable, but just to the south of me are some tremendous mansions that are punctuated by some incredible tropical landscaping. I thank the universe every morning that I'm able to walk through such beauty and it makes me homesick for my virtual land business, in which I used to create the same kinds of environments. I'll take it, though. It's a privilege to be able to behold beauty like that on a daily basis and I'm thankful that I live in a part of the country where I'm able to do that. So why can't things just move along? And by things I mean any type of ascension or consciousness expansion. I had such a strong dose of it during the initiation time that it's the only place I want to be now. I was comforted by the words of Adyashanti in one of his YouTube videos where he talks about awakening, saying that it's not, or hasn't been up until this point, a constant state of awareness for many who have awakened. It ebbs and flows. He mentioned though that once one does taste that bliss, it's all you want. This is so true. As I've stated previously, the magic of the universe is as playful as a kitten when it unfolds around you. It's like a walking orgasm and it makes much of our modern world and its systems seem like pure futility.
In the notes that I had recently come across, I was startled by one of the earliest things that I had written down during the initiation. It was about love, which is what this feeling was that vibrated through me and pulsed physically from a point in my back across my entire being...
"It's ready to pour over your being like hot butter...
'Hot Buttered Soul'
Try to know this with your heart and not your mind.
In order to receive it, you have to realize that it must be given away.
You can't keep it inside.
Don't think about it. Don't think - Do.
Don't think about it. Don't think - Do.
It will only stay with you if you are willing to share it."
I loved the Isaac Hayes reference. For me, the essence of this message was about joy and living in the present moment, the Now. I had never thought of the "Hot Buttered Soul" album in such a context before. I was lucky to have met Isaac during the 90s, and have always been a fan of his stuff from the 70s. As I also mentioned in some detail in the Recap post, I was led to listen to quite a few songs during this time, old and new, many of which I'd heard probably a hundred times in the past, but upon listening under this universal influence of love energy, the songs took on whole new meanings for me. In addition to the George Harrison and Brian Wilson tracks that I mentioned in that post, ELO's "Mr. Blue Sky" was one another one, as was Billy Preston's "Will It Go Round In Circles," all of which took on brand new meanings for me as I heard the words and experienced the songs in a whole new way. It was as if as this door to a different perception opened up, the universe came right up to me, face to face, and began to communicate with me through something with which I was very familiar - music.
"I've got a song that ain't got no melody.... I've got a dance that ain't got no steps... gonna let the music move me around," from Billy Preston in "Circles". I felt like the universe was showing me how to experience this state of mind. Chills are flowing all over me as I write this and listen to "Circles" for the first time since January of last year. I remember thinking, "Holy Shit! - the universe - Source - this energy - this is the coolest presence I've ever felt in my life - like the coolest person I've ever known," - but it was way beyond that. "Of course!" came into my mind as this occurred during the beginning of the three-week heavy time, "It's the wisdom that made you. What else would you expect?" That's how cool this felt. It made so much sense, was so familiar, like I'd forgotten about the best surprise anyone could ever get in one's lifetime, and my old perceptions of the world tumbled into the background like a bundle of dirty rags.
Little did I know at that time just how wonderfully bizarre things were going to get as I continued to ride with that vibe and go down the rabbit hole. At times it felt similar to those scenes in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" where they're learning a new language in front of a large spaceship. One thing that I should mention that I also noticed immediately, as this experience of perception expanded, all fear - and I mean all fear - disappeared from me. At times I felt invincible. That's how powerful this was. It didn't matter what happened. I remembered how as a very young child that's how myself and my friends would often feel. At one point I was reminded of the bible scripture that says that one must be like a child in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and how in the (Gnostic) Gospel of Thomas (unlike many of the other books of the bible and consequently not included in most modern bibles), Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven is within. Of course, this resonated with the many different types of teachings I had received over the years, but the fact that it gave me additional context from a biblical perspective amused me, since I had abandoned that type of belief system long ago and now see it, along with many of the modern translations of holy books as metaphor, rather than literal history.
It didn't stop there. I began to see for the first time just how deeply we are boxed into our compartmentalized versions of reality. So much so that it's virtually impossible to see the universe for what it is - one universe within a multiverse of All That Is, Hermetically
speaking. That's how messed up this planet is right now. This is not how it's supposed to be. What we see with our physical eyes and experience in the physical world is only one type of singular mentality, one small group of frequencies on a virtually endless spectrum. We have closed ourselves off to such a degree that many may never become aware of this while on the physical plane. I realized during this time that the universe speaks to everyone, to everything, in a unique way that appeals to the individual being that's just for them. I was reminded of Morpheus in "The Matrix" telling Neo, "Whatever she said [the Oracle] was just for you." I also got a sense that the universe is constantly, relentlessly speaking to all of us through art and creative works, if we are aware enough to pick up the vibrations. But it doesn't stop at art, that's just one channel. It's all around us, all of the time, waiting for us to notice its magic and calling us to come and play. "I'm too busy, I'm too worried, I've got to do this and that," is what we often say to ourselves to squelch what could be potentially revealing moments of wonder. This is where the importance of living in the Now takes on a whole new meaning, and why there are many awakened ones, such as Eckhart Tolle and the many enlightened yogis around the world who are alive in physical form at present, to teach us this way of being."Don't think - Do!" came into my mind every time I questioned an impulse that entered my energy field. As I stated in the Recap post, even though this went on for weeks, I still often questioned it, and that was the response that came time and time again. "Get in your car and drive." Really? "Don't think - Do," and hours later a wonderful series of events would have transpired. I had never lived like that before. Often these commands would come, as I've stated in the Recap post, like an old Rastafarian friend was hovering over me in another dimension, laughingly trying to jolt me into remembering more and more about the essence of who I am in order to elevate my consciousness. "People hurt - Help. Seen?" was what came to me when I'd see people in need. "Like Matrix - Just like Matrix. Seen?" about how this awareness was unfolding. "Ism - Schism. Seen?" about all of the dogmatic divisions around the world. Many times I would just burst out laughing, like I was at a party wherever I went with very animated unseen friends whom I loved dearly that were dropping some serious science on me. It tickled me to my core. "This is the coolest thing ever," I thought, "I never want to return to my old perceptions of this world. This is just too damn cool." If you can capture for a second what like must have been like, you'll get a peak into the real magic of the universe.
The music portion of the program continued through the initiation period. Virtually every song I listened to, including newer songs that I was directed to at the time from Broken Bells, Quadron, FC Kahuna's "Hayling", Viex Farka Tourè's "Fafa" and many others opened up vistas in my perception, as if they were charged with this energy, each containing windows of fascination in them, having been brought into the physical realm at just this time, ready to speak to people on subtle levels within their consciousness. "Hayling" effected me so profoundly that it became part of how I would respond to people. When friends would ask me, "How are you doing?" a warm smile would spread across my face and I would inevitably respond, "I'm just glad to be here." The funny thing was that every time I said that, smiles would be returned to me as soon as I spoke those words, often followed by someone stroking my shoulder or giving me a hug.
For the sake of some context here, you should understand that I spent over twenty years in the music industry, during which time I have listened to literally tens of thousands of songs from all over the world, spanning all periods of time since the advent of recorded music. During my time as a nightclub and rave deejay, I played music for people, mostly brand new at its time, to over 1.5 million people over the course of about fifteen years. I lived for that experience and more importantly, being able to share it with others. The rhythms, the tribal nature of it all, touched me so deeply that for many years it was all that I wanted to do - search out, find and share new sounds. This, however, was a whole new level. The universe was showing me how it has embedded its positive vibrations everywhere, like magical little prizes that can open us up to higher vibrations if we are in tune to receive the information.
I could actually began to percieve the hand of the universe emerging in art and speaking to me, even if it was the furthest thing from the artist's mind while creating the work. Within that realization, a sense of awareness of sacred beauty began to reveal itself around me. Usually one has to enter into some serious journey work via psychedelics to come even close to that type of expanded perception of music using some pharmaceutical grade MDA and ghanja. Not these feelings, and they were even more intense, and I did a lot of journey work in my younger years. I was experiencing the Now on a whole other level, even after a couple of years since first reading one of Eckhart Tolle
's books and noticing changes in my perception during that time that brought about an awareness of the Now. This was bigger, more expansive and seemingly endless, and these energies appeared to delight in me experiencing them as much as I did feeling my perceptions change. The Now IS the universe, in all of its glory, unfolding all around us every second of every day. "If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it," as Ferris would say.Doing without thinking was the key. As Paramahamsa Nithyanada states in the video included in my "Enlightened View of 2012" post that I came across nearly a year after these profound experiences, this is what it's all about. It's about a way of Being. Connect to this energy and you've found bliss and wonder almost beyond measure. But it hasn't been easy for me to return to that state. As I said earlier, this experience for me seemed to be a "taste" of what was to come. As far as I'm concerned, if that's truly the case, it can't come fast enough. Six months after the initiation experience, I found myself in the midst of health and worsening financial problems. It even became hard at times for me to meditate during many of the months of 2010 as I continued to get caught up in survival. During the past few months and particularly weeks as I've continued to reflect on that time, another component that I referenced early in this post also came back to me that I don't think I mentioned in the Recap and I wanted to address here. It's vitally important. One has to be a Supreme Ninja in terms of managing the duality of perception. By that I mean you must train yourself to diffuse your ego, which is no easy task. It can take a lifetime. For some it never happens despite massive amounts of effort. This is one of the reasons Buddhist monks spend time in isolation away from much of society.
The human ego is the ultimate enemy. The world you see around you right now is the result of the human ego. Virtually every problem, every imbalance, every injustice, every war, can all be traced back to the ego. The ego operates in the left brain, the rational mind, whereas the right brain is the source of creativity, intuition, emotion and it's our connection to our subconscious and other dimensions. Unless one has begun to train oneself in the art of war with the ego, it can often be extremely difficult to move into right brain perception and continually experience the Now. Artists operate from the right brain. Politicians, bankers, etc. from the left brain. A healthy person incorporates both into daily activity, but the ego is the ultimate adversary. Of course you need your left brain to make rational decisions, but the trick is to relegate it to do only that, and not incorporate the defense of the "I" - your worldly sense of the physical "You" as a physical being. This is what the Rastafarians refer to when saying "I and I," meaning I am in control of that balance and see it for what it is... everything is in its proper place within me. When I was studying at the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles over the course of 2004, one of the instructors I had was well versed in this type of warfare, and helped give me the tools to recognize the enemy, its craft and its relentless assault on the mind. In Kabbalah, the ego is the Satan force (pronounced, Sah-tahn). It is with you at virtually every turn. Like the best classic Kung Fu or martial arts films, just when you think you vanquished it, it appears again, often disguising itself, stalking you like a master tactician.
It never stops. It is your perception of your "I", your concept of yourself, your story and the sum-total of your experiences. It will fight your right brain to the death to defend its "Self", what you consider "You", which is an illusion, because we, all living and non-living things, are really one. This is the struggle of duality and the opposite of the unity consciousness. This is also where the old school religions tricks the masses. They teach that the "Sah-tahn" force is actually personified as someone called Satan, who is a red, cloven-hoofed entity with horns and a pitchfork that lives somewhere deep in the earth or up in the sky and is ready to "get you" if you're not careful. As I have said in previous posts, any type of dogma that tells you to look outside of yourself like that, is a trick to distract you from the truth and a construction of limited, left brain thinking. Such distractions make you miss the point and are designed to make you think that your problems and challenges in understanding the nature of your being lie somewhere outside of yourself, in shadows, around corners and in other people. In Kabbalah, to sin is "to miss... to miss the point." This is part of what I mean when I say that many of the great and powerful religions of this world are either upside down or backward, becoming sin itself by making people miss this point of their own existence.
As my initiation period continued, this became apparent to me in ways that I hadn't previously realized. I was fortunate enough to have developed certain tools during my time at the Kabbalah Centre and had practiced enough to the point where I could recognize the ego with mindfulness. As I proceeded down the road of initiation, especially before the Atonement period, I was shown this on a whole other level. The movements in Martial Arts, just like many other things, reflect the interactions of sacred geometries. I was shown that one had to be a ninja with the ego, maintaining guard over one's mind 24/7, and attacking any single thought that doesn't serve this new-found state of being as soon as it enters one's sphere of consciousness. This went on for days and nights, and I eventually started to take great pleasure in it.
I would not allow any negativity, even the increasing weight of having to pay bills, rent, whatever it was that would send me into the left brain thinking of "But I've got to do this." My visualizations became full-on immense. Out would come the blade and I would kill the thoughts that represented negativity as quickly as they came. As time went on, I learned to elevate this type of mental exercise so that it could serve as a foundation for a higher type of "spiritual" warfare, the key component of which is not suppressing the negative thoughts. This is key, because certain lower frequency emotions associated with some kinds of thoughts actually serve the individual. Fear and anger can be useful, and suppression without acknowledgment only leads to more confusion within one's subconscious mind and can backfire at any moment. I developed a new way of allowing the thoughts to come, not judging them or pushing them away, but allowing them to come and then, after acknowledging and even thanking them, I would dissolve and/or let them pass through my sphere without serious focus or attention. "Got it. Thanks." My Kabbalah training from previous years ended up serving me well during that time.
The ego is virtually impossible to stop, although many of the great yogis have gotten to the point where they have excelled at this type of mental and/or spiritual warfare for so long that the ego is not a factor for them anymore. That is why they are the great yogis. As my initiation continued, I developed a method for dealing with the ego that ended up being quite effective with practice. I was reminded of something that Paramahansa Yogananda said, words to this effect: "Your divine being [essence] is your kingdom. This is where the spirit reigns and you are one with the Creator. Within your kingdom is a castle on a hill. This is where your essence resides. It is peaceful and blissful all of the time. Around the perimeter, the enemy [negative thought] is constantly at the gates, ready to storm the kingdom and your castle. Within your castle resides your endless fountain of happiness [your heart], which is your constant connection with the Creator. Any time that you allow negative thoughts or state of mind to enter the kingdom and you become unhappy, you are allowing the enemy into your kingdom by dropping your guard."
At first I was the ninja. After days of constantly using this practice, I started to visualize myself sitting on a chair in the center of a large ring that was filled with sand. Me sitting on the chair in the center of the ring became my castle, the ring my kingdom, and instead of being the ninja, I became the king on the throne, and I would visualize sending a ninja or two out to run around the edge of the ring to guard the perimeter of my mind. As negative thoughts would come, the ninjas acted like sentries alerting me to activity at the gate. This of course took place in milliseconds. I wouldn't push the thoughts away, but allow them to enter without judgment, thanking negative emotions for alerting me to their left brain concerns, and then I would direct a ninja to slay them outright, wherein they would dissolve into nothingness. This way I didn't suppress any emotions and I stayed in balance. They were recognized for what they were, thanked for the reminder or concern, and dissolved before they could replicate into a system or circle of thoughts that would lower my vibration, which is their nature. During this time I was reminded of how Dr. Wayne Dyer had talked about this very type of interaction during the mid-90s, and I had failed to fully grasp what this practice entailed on a daily basis. Wayne was one of my first influential "gurus", for lack of a better word, and helped to set me on the course that I find myself pursuing today.
And just like a king listening to a worrisome subject come to him with concerns that didn't need to be dwelt upon or protracted with a nasty entanglement of potential hyperbole and the useless expenditure of emotion, I began to build up a resistance to what used to be a nearly constant attack of negative thoughts that were waiting to germinate into full-blown states of mind that didn't serve me. I was reminded of the Buddhist concept of "effortless effort," which is what this process eventually became. The longer I did this, the more comparisons to Neo learning how to battle in "The Matrix" came into my mind. What a prophetic movie. I'm so glad that it was made, and I am thankful for the brilliance of the Wachowski brothers in making that story a reality. It was a film for its time, a reflection of the human condition on the planet right now, and each of us is Neo. "Neo" meaning new, and representative of a new form of conscious awareness. This type of warfare, which comes about through the cultivation of mindfulness, needs to be done constantly in order to keep your vibration from becoming heavy and sinking into the lower frequencies, wherein depression and all sorts of negativity resides.
It takes constant practice, but with focus and determination one can learn to do battle with the ego. In Kabbalah they used to joke that ego stood for "Everybody's Got One" in English. The ego is as I said earlier, your sense of "I" and the greatest adversary any of us will ever face. If you start to monitor yourself with diligent mindfulness, which can be another daunting task to many at first, the ego is easily recognized as the part of you that says things like, "How dare you!" - "I'm offended!" - "But I deserve this or that!" and "Nobody's going to do that to me!" Of course, anger itself it can be useful at times, however, left unmonitored without any effort to recognize it for what it is can lead to great atrocities, as we see every day as presented within the mainstream media. But the ego is also much more subtle and devious. It's present even when you think it's not. Its cleverness and cunning is unmatched. It is the great seducer. Even with practice, the ego will emerge as a sense of, "Wow, I've got this ego thing under control. Look at that. Good job." That's how powerful it is. After all, as I stated in a previous post, the ego itself is actually what drives us toward awakening and enlightenment. That is the great irony of the ego. But the ego can only take us so far, like a sherpa traveling up a great mountain, however, it cannot enter the heart space, or the potential mountain peak of our existence. It can only get us do the door, the entrance.
This is what Jesus spoke about in the parable where he said that "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." The churches today twist this to mean that if you're wealthy, you won't go on to a blissful place after you die. They do this for a reason, to breed and maintain subtle divisions and contempt for others based on social status, just like governments, banks, corporations and the mainstream media. Doing so maintains thought constructs, memes and methods of mind control. Jesus was actually making reference to the egoic concerns that naturally often accompany great material wealth and accomplishment. Therein often lies the sense of "I am great. Look what I've done. I am so-and-so," which is part of a person's personal story. When one achieves what can be considered earthly greatness, it can become harder to distance oneself from the "I" that he or she has created. It's a matter of cause and effect and a cautionary tale within the context of the parable. The doorway into the heart space is the eye of the needle, meaning that you can't take anything else into that space. It's just the divine essence of your being in direct communication with Creator or Source, in the Now, just being... without thought, only action within the present moment. Such is also the context for Ram Daas' book, "Be Here Now
" and the work of many others within the field of consciousness expansion. As Drunvalo and others have talked about, this place within the heart is the scared place from which we can create anything, yet it is a very difficult thing to master, having to contend with the nature of duality, as we are taught and conditioned to only create from our minds. Unknowingly, many of us create from the mind with duality, often creating the exact opposite of what we had intended, as Drunvalo has pointed out in the 2012 Prophecies video. The more you train yourself to recognize it and the thought forms that it brings to your mind, which then become systems of thoughts or thought strings, you can begin to act as a ninja and in a way, slay negative thoughts after acknowledgments without suppression so that they don't hold any emotional weight. That's the trick. Part of what the word enlightenment means is in fact to become lighter. We achieve that state by not becoming bogged down in thoughts and emotions of a lower frequency, which have weight, or greater density to them.
Every thought form is an energy system with an intelligence, and we are vibratory beings. This is one of the reasons that music is the "universal language," why music can "tame the savage beast" and has such a profound effect on us as humans, because we are vibrating energy systems that pulsate at different frequencies. Different people, different music, different belief systems, all vibrate at different frequencies. The lower frequencies are more dense, weighty and are what we experience as negative. Interestingly enough, and something that the Oracle of the "Matrix" movie might say, "Here's something that's going to really bake your noodle later on," it is noted within The Kybalion
- that according to ancient Hermetic Law, from the perspective of Source or All That Is, all extremes - such as love compared to hate - are essentially the same thing, they just vary in degree along a spectrum, and from the Creator's perspective, without judgment, are just simply "what is." Our chakra system resides along a spectrum itself, just as the planets and all things do. Each reflecting the model of the Tree of Life. We choose, via the thoughts we maintain, to inhabit the vibratory fields in which we live, consciously or not. There is essentially no good or no bad, yet each vibrational level has its own awareness, experience and principles of cause and effect. We have freedom of choice, and for us, for our energy spark from Creator that is our essence, it is better for us to choose the higher vibrations, in which reside peace, joy and love.The world today teaches us to divide, to engage in duality and division and view the world that way. Often we do this without even knowing it. It is what we have been taught, "That is bad, this is good." The Buddhists say, "There is no good day and there is no bad day, there just is what is." The ego wants to trick you into investing emotional energy in defending itself, your false sense of "I". The "I" can be seen as the collective construct of the world as we know it, from the poor to the wealthy to the powerful to the group to the nation, it's all about the "I". When you begin to see this and train yourself with mindfulness, the nature of the matrix in which we currently find ourselves, the Net of Maya, the plane of suffering, begins to crack and crumble in places and you become aware of something distinctly greater.
Before I end this post, here are a couple of other bits of observation and impression that were part of the initiation are worth mentioning. During the eighth or ninth week into the larger period, during the intense time which included my Atonement, across the street from my building, sitting on the sidewalk for several hours each morning were a group of people that looked to be from the Andes Mountains in Chile. Some mornings there were two or three, and other mornings four or five. They were dressed in the traditional garments of that culture, highly recognizable because of their colorful garb, with its dark red hues and some of them wore head gear. This lasted for about a week. Every morning they were directly across the street, seeming to just be gazing at my building. I could see them from my window. Sometimes a couple of them would be standing, but most of them sat. As I mentioned in the Recap post after being introduced to the significance of the spiral shape, I had noticed that the building in which I lived is adorned with them. By that time in the initiation period I had become aware of this, and wondered if they were looking at the spirals for some reason. I was very curious as to who they were and why they were here. Across the street from me is a large industrial area, and there is nothing to do there, no shops for blocks in either directions.
To this day I keep wanting to ask the building's owner why he had the building painted like that, adorned in spirals, but I don't see him very often. Still, at some point, I am going to ask him about that choice. Personally, upon discovering them during the initiation period and being amazed that I had never noticed them in the four months prior since arriving here, I felt that it meant protection of some kind. The fact that those Chileans were there for that extended time and I have not seen them since has always left me with some questions. As with every move that I made during that time, I filtered the observation of this group through the pulsation in my back that seemed to be connecting me to higher vibrations. Was I to talk to them? The pulsation never indicated that I should have, and I had become accustomed, albeit with questioning, to surrender to its direction and follow the "dont think - do" direction that it was giving me. So I was never directed to go across the street and talk to them. Had I been, I would have gone over on any of those mornings, sat with them and found out just who they were. I left my building every single day during that time, and would just look at them with a smile as I went to my car. They didn't seem particularly interested in me, so I would just go on my way. Nobody has been there of that description since that time.
And another of the final bits I would like to include here has to do with incarnation, or reincarnation to be precise. This is something that although I had considered it for years during the 90s while studying Buddhism, I resisted in principle because at that time I still had parts of the old, forced or inherited belief system that had not crumbled. Coming around to accept reincarnation took me the better portion of my life. It was a testament to just how rigid and confining my inherited / forced belief system was. As with any element that is a part of one's spiritual journey, just like the things you might read on this blog, you must push to the side any information that doesn't resonate with you. I do this rather consistently. Over time, if part of your self discovery includes coming to terms with something that you had pushed aside in the past, the universe will eventually present the information in a context through which you can have an Aha moment and the information will blossom within you at the proper time. This has been true for me on so many levels, including during my first trip to Mexico in the early 90s when I purchased various trinkets, one of which turned out to be a beautiful, colorful Mayan Calendar on a stand that I had in my possession, usually perched somewhere in my living room, and for years, I didn't know what it was. I knew it was a calendar of some kind, but its significance escaped me for many years. That's how the universe works sometimes.
For me, acceptance or really remembrance of reincarnation came through years of observing nature, its cycles, and putting those observations into the context of some of what I had read and learned along the way. Now it makes perfect sense to me. One of the singular most profound revelations of the initiation period for me came during the intense period after Atonement. I received from Source energy the impression that I would eventually reincarnate... as a star. If you had told me that twenty years ago, I'd have laughed at you. This, I was told, was my part of my cosmic destiny, and I got a sense of the other stars that were to be near me in a galactic sense, along with what I'll say were planets but I'm not totally sure. They were souls that I know or have known. There were eleven others in my immediate system. Yep, a star. Go figure. I was also shown that I had a twin. It wasn't completely clear to me though as to whether I had known this twin in this physical incarnation. I got the impression that I had not known the twin, but I'm not completely sure. I thought of the "Twin Flame" that people have spoken about and the shadow work that I had done and wondered if that was a part of the twin thing. As far as a reincarnation was concerned, least at this point in my journey and particularly after this trippy journey into the woo-woo, I believe that everything in the universe does have a soul, so anything's possible, as strange as it might sound to those reading this. I have since read in a few areas that this is entirely possible during the course of our soul's evolution, which has given me further context into that long, strange odyssey of late 2009 - early 2010.
Finally, as I look over what I've written in this massive post, I realize that there are still some things that I have not included from the Initiation time, and why the Recap post, as lengthy as that was, only seemed to scratch the surface in terms of the overall Cosmic Initiation period. There's no hyperbole in any of these posts. I've been careful not to get carried away and have just focused what I happened to experience. There is one element to the experience that I do feel that I need to include, which started around the time of my first visit to the Lake Shrine (a subsequent and even more interesting visit was covered in my "Do You See Me?" post) in early last year. It's about breath. As the odyssey began in November of 2009, I had returned to focusing on my breathing, which helps one to connect to Source energy, because it is the way in which we are actively connected to same. By mid December as my perceptions expanded, a new awareness also came about with my breathing. I felt nearly constantly that everywhere I went, as I breathed and I felt the ever-present vibrating pulsation on my back, that I was acting as some sort of conduit, a transmitter and a speaker of sorts... drawing in cosmic energy and then sending it out through my breath wherever I went. Great peace accompanied this feeling and an ease of focus developed quite naturally very quickly. I've felt that I had to get that down here in writing, as it was signatory of the overall connection that I was feeling.
One year after that fantastic series of experiences, I still struggle to maintain mindfulness and keep my vibration elevated. It's tough, and anyone who has ever tried to maintain a high vibration knows this. That's how powerful this egoic construct is. It's much easier to zone out, get caught up the the worldly affairs of the day, take prescribed drugs and fall into the abyss of television and other forms of escape, yet that road eventually leads only to emptiness and a lack of fulfillment. My great hope is that as we enter the Universal Cycle of the Mayan Calendar in the coming weeks, one of the things that will manifest within this cycle is an ease with which we can all stay connected to higher vibrations. It is what has been spoken about and predicted by the ancient masters, and I am very much looking forward to the yoke of left brain bondage begin to lift. Will the matrix begin to crumble, crack and fall apart? Let's hope so. Life can be so much more that what many of us are able to experience in this current reality. It appears as though many people around the world realize this in one form or another - that something must change - even if they're not consciously aware of vibrational energies, ascension or the cycles of human evolution.
I hope that at least some of what I've recapped and covered here and in the other posts resonates with others out there, otherwise this blog serves no purpose. I've felt led to put as much of what I've been experiencing and learning into words on this tiny little blog, which is only my own individual experience. Just as we are all as uniquely different as snowflakes falling from the sky, each person's awakening experiences are going to be different, designed by the universe to be just for them, and I am trying to make sense of what I observe and feel as I move along through time, holding out hope for the dawn of a new day in the evolution of consciousness.
Seen?
Namaste.
